Dearest Pet,

Your orgasms are mine to control.  Do you know how much that excites me?  Thank you for the gift of your surrender.  It may not be as easy as you thought, but I assure you it will be more amazing than anything you have ever imagined.

I know you have questions.   That’s good.  Understanding what this means is crucial if you are to be a good,  obedient boy.  Smiles.  Yes, I know that made you squirm and I like knowing that.  You want so much to be a good, obedient boy and that pleases me more than I can say.

A few ground rules (I will add to these as we progress):

You may no longer touch yourself for pleasure without my permission.  You may not ask to touch.  Period.  The choice is mine now since *I* own your cock.

In addition, you may not view porn or read erotic literature until I direct you to do so.   Are you surprised by the word “until”?  Don’t be.  There will be times when I will direct you to watch videos that excite you.  Sometimes you will be allowed to touch when you are reading something sexy.  At other times you won’t.  Tease, denial – both so good.  Isn’t that right?

Just as there will be times when I direct you to tease, there will be times when I will tease you myself.  The pleasure you feel will be shared pleasure because I enjoy doing this as much as you enjoy having it done.  Sometimes you will be allowed release.  Sometimes you will be denied.  Both are my ways of controlling you.  Neither is “more” control than the other.  When I alone have a say about what happens to your cock, then that’s control – not the act I have you do.  It’s important that you understand this.

There may be days at a time when I do not allow you to touch.  At other times, I may allow you release every day.  Your submission to me will not be effected by this because your submission is a choice.   Your choice.  As a strong, intelligent man I know you will regard your choice to submit as a sacred thing.   I would expect nothing less.

During sex, I will use your cock in any way I choose.  No position, no act is “dominant” or “submissive”.  Your focus will be on your surrender, mine on my control.

Get ready, my pet.  Regardless of how, when, or where, I know we will both enjoy the ride ;)

—-

I thought this would be a fun way for me to express my philosophy on orgasm control.

~~~~~~~

What is Orgasm Control: Tease, Denial, or.. More? is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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Today I’ve wanted to write something elegantly seductive.  But.. my mind is in a more primal place.  I want to control you… to control your pleasure.  Just for now… just for a little while.

Earlier as I followed the motions of my exercise routine, my body moving, stretching, bending… so alive… my mind was on fire with thoughts of taking you to a place where you would know you were wholly and completely controlled.

Some say the only way to control a man is to control his cock.  I know that isn’t quite true.  You’re much more complex than that… but… controlling that most favored part of your body.. well… it certainly does capture your attention.

“You may not touch.”  “Tease, bring yourself to the edge, then stop.”  “Come for me now.”

Smiles.. I know that you twitched a bit just now.  I love how easy it is to control your body with just a few words – words that affect not only you but me as well.  What excites me most is knowing that it doesn’t matter which of those sentences I utter, you’ll not only obey, but you’ll be excited and eager, oh so eager to do so.

Because it isn’t what happens to your cock that excites you the most, is it?  It’s the knowledge that you’re surrendering control to me.  You want to touch yourself, I know.  Especially now as you read this, imagining how arousing this is for me.. oh how you want to touch.  But… you won’t without permission.  While touching feels good, the control feels so much better.

I wish you could hear me at this precise moment, hear my delighted laughter as I think of you squirming a bit now.. torn between aching to touch… and craving that control.  The desire to surrender control is too strong.. you feel you must let go and follow my direction.  It’s inevitable.  It’s a part of who you are.

Just as the excitement I feel as I tease you is such a part of me.

So what shall it be tonight?  A powerful release?  The sweet agony of tease and then denial?  Or.. just denial?  I’ll let you know…

~~~~~~~

Tease.. and Denial? is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I’ve been thinking… if I were going to experience an evening of pleasure, what sort of things would I want at my disposal?  What would I want him to do for me and me to him?   What would be your desire should you be given the option to choose what happens this evening with the lady or gentleman of your choice?

Perhaps your evening might involve hypnosis…, taking or being taken to a very deep place where the mind is so receptive, with the suggestion that the senses would be so heightened that the pleasure would be indescribable.

Would there be teasing with soft, silky scarves, reminiscent of the power of that delicious silk, especially red silk?  Would someone be left begging and needing?  Perhaps some silk bondage as a clear demonstration of how something so soft and sensuous could be oh so strong.

How luxurious and erotic for the dominant to be pampered with a few of their favorite things.   Most delightful would be the soft moans of pleasure elicited as loving, soapy hands slid over a soft, sensuous body.

Perhaps something a bit more kinky would stir your desires… latex and handcuffs…

a bit of rope bondage…

Boot or foot worship… imagine the lovely feet hidden by these oh so sexy boots…

Or would caging or being caged hit push all the right buttons?  Trapped and totally at the mercy of the one to whom power is surrendered…

Dominant or submissive, we all have our desires.  Share with me about your dream evening and soon I’ll present you with one of mine :)

~~~~~~~

What’s Your Pleasure? Sensual to Kink… Hypnosis to Cages… is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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In response to my post, When a Vanilla Partner Dominates, What Does She Need?, Susan’s Pet remarked:

I understand what you say, and what you mean here, “If he said, ‘I want you to dominate me” and then went on to tell me how… well, I would hardly be the one in charge, would I? ‘ Indeed, you would not be in charge.

The difficulty with the subject of Female Led Relationship is that generally it is not started with what a female wants. It is a fantasy of a male who wants it fulfilled. That means, the female will have to do what the male wants. Damn! That is just not right. If the female does what the male wants, the whole thing of FLR is nonsense. So we come around to define what the male and the female want, and take it from there.

Perhaps you could give us the pleasure by enlightening us.

When I wrote the above referenced post, there were things I didn’t address.  Your question touched on one of them.

Even though I’ve never been in a position where the female led (male submission and female dominance) relationship was the man’s idea and not mine, I have been in the situation where I wanted to learn about his needs and wants while at the same time maintaining the control over him that we both desired.  For us, being pragmatic worked.  If we wanted a healthy relationship, we each had to be aware of the other’s wants and needs.  So… we set aside times to openly talk about it.

There are checklists out there – mostly BDSM checklists – that opened the door for us to discuss what we liked, didn’t like, wouldn’t do, would do, would do only because it turned the other on, and so on.  These types of lists won’t “fit” perfectly because not everyone in a power exchange relationship is into a lot of the more serious kink.  We weren’t, but we used one of those as a springboard to discuss all sorts of things.  Once we covered the kink, we talked about the other areas like romance, love, “vanilla” sex, etc. (A word on “vanilla” sex.   Sex is amazing no matter if kink is involved or not, no matter if it is obvious one of us is leading or not.  I think to attach the word vanilla to sex is doing a disservice to sex everywhere and I plan to avoid doing that in the future ;)

It is true that I initiated the discussion, but it could just as easily have been him.  As long as the relationship is a loving one, most people will at least be open to talking.  Had he initiated the discussion, I’m pretty sure he would have been focused more on what I wanted and needed, but I think it’s healthy that he would want to explain things from his point of view as well.  Even if he didn’t address his needs, at that point it would have been automatic for me to ask him.  I know that’s not the case for everyone as some people are afraid to ask.  “What if he wants something I can’t or don’t want to do?”  Not talking about it won’t make it go away so discussing it at least forces us to examine the options.

If I hadn’t been the person to initiate this type of conversation, I really wouldn’t consider him trying to take control of the relationship if he had said, “I’d like to tell you what I enjoy and need, but I want you to understand I’m not pressuring you to do any of this or telling you when to do any of it.”  It just seems logical  to me that a relationship is doomed to fail if we can’t or won’t communicate.

After he told me, it was then up to me to decide when, if, how, and how often.  There can be no pouting on his part, no lack of enthusiasm, no attempts at manipulation.  If at any point he decides he doesn’t want me to lead, then he needs to say so plainly and we can decide where we go from there.

Keeping the communication lines open after sex or play is important to me, too.   I like to know how he felt, what he was thinking, what pushed his buttons, what didn’t.   As a rule I do not like talking about this immediately after unless something went wrong, but usually later on in the day or the next day.   It allows passions and emotions to return to a normal level and allows time for reflection.

Bottom line – it’s really easy to get caught up in the “rules” of this type of relationship and forget that the most important thing is a healthy, happy dynamic where each has a mechanism for saying what needs to be said.

~~~~~~~

Male Submission: Communicating Wants and Needs Without Topping is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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If the lady of your dreams leaned against you, tempting you with the soft curves of her body while running her fingertips along your jawline, would she have at least a tiny bit of your attention?  If her lips moved to caress your ear, her warm breath causing your body to tremble – even though perhaps you hate to admit that as a man you trembled – while her hand slid down and caressed your bottom.. would everything around you cease to exist for at least a few moments?  If she murmured softly that she wanted you… would you deny her anything?

What if her one requirement was that you woo her?

It seems that the art of wooing is quite difficult for many men.  Oh, not the smooth operator guys, but the average joe – especially the average joe who is a bit submissive.

I can understand that.  Every now and then on the rarest of occasions, a few women can be the tiniest bit difficult to read.  Then there’s the whole “I’m the submissive – she’s the Domme – she should tell me every single thing to do” rule. (Oh wait, that’s only a rule in fantasyland.)

What would you do?

I ask because, in spite of it all, there are some women – dare I say it – even some dominant women – who want to be romanced.  There are some who want to be chased til they catch the men they want.  And.. while I doubt the figures I often hear regarding the numbers of submissive men versus the number of dominant women, there are more of you than there are of us.

How would you capture her attention and then hold on to it?

~~~~~~~

Woo Me is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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One look is worth a thousand words (with some interesting info on this cliche.)

Thanks, John, for the photo :)

~~~~~~~

One Look is Worth a Thousand Words is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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It’s been a really busy day today.  Doctor’s office visit (boo, I’m sick again), shopping, going to the bank, and so on.  In spite of all that, I’ve been in that mood.  You know the mood – the one that means I’m going to do something fun and sexy to someone.

Text messaging.   That was it.  Fun, sexy, and quick so I could fit it in between the doctor’s exam and shopping :)

“Today every time you go to the restroom, tease yourself for a minute or so.  While you’re doing it, think about how lovely it feels to be controlled.  You may not release today.”

Short, simple, and every time I thought about it I knew it would turn me on.

So – I sent out the message.

The reply?

“Um… ok… but I think you have the wrong number.”

I was embarrassed (although admittedly only a little) and turned on at the same time.

“I’m so sorry.  I apparently added an extra number and got you by mistake.  I meant that text for a friend.”

“Lucky bastard.”

Ok, I admit I should have stopped there, but the evil cowgirl in me took over.

“Well, you could always follow the instructions… “

“Yeah?  Then what?”

“Then you’d be a lucky fella too?”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“I’ll take it!  Thank you for making my day.  :-)”

Ok.. you tell me.  Is it more likely that out of all the wrong numbers in the world I would just happen to text a guy who is submissive or would something like that be appealing to most men because it has a sexual flavor to it?

~~~~~~~

Simple Orgasm Control – The Text Message Tease is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I’m waiting.

Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” and “Sexual Healing” have been stirring my thoughts.  Cliche maybe but mmm oh so hot.  As with many people, music touches my mind and my body responds.  Tonight my body is definitely responding.

I want you.

Yes, I’m usually more subtle than that, but tonight the hunger I feel for you overwhelms “subtle” and pushes it to the back of my mind.  I’m waiting for you – waiting like a predator.  Is knowing you’re my prey disconcerting in the slightest?

You’re helpless.

Big strong you – powerless when it comes to me.  You can resist but resistance only serves to tighten the silken web I’m spinning around your mind.  Go ahead.  Fight me.  Fight my words.  As you do the excitement rises from deep within you.  That which you fear is what you must have.  What I want is what you need.

It’s building.

Not just within me, but also within you.  Already I have more control of your mind and your body than you ever imagined giving anyone.  You’re aching to know what lies ahead but completely aroused by not knowing.

Follow me.  I can’t wait to begin.

~~~~~~~

I’m Waiting is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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There’s something exquisite about knowing that a man is mine.  Mine to touch, to tease, to deny, to love.  Controlling his desire, his thoughts, his body, his urgency to surrender.  Whenever I wish just one look sends him to his knees.  Mmm.. so exquisite.  Once he’s on his knees, desperate, pleading, knowing he will give me anything, do anything, be anything that I want.

Loving that he trusts me not to abuse all that.

~~~~~~~

Mine is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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In response to my post Such a Good Boy, Will remarked:

At home and at work, I respond better to praise than to criticism.

While constructive criticism can sometimes be useful, most criticism I see day-in and day-out is of the destructive nature. I think such criticism tend to hurt relationships more than help.

On the other hand, I think praise tend to help a relationship (of course, I just remembered an exception – any individual who believe s/he is God’s gift to the world) instead of hurt it.

Will, I very much agree with you and your very good point about constructive criticism.  Unfortunately since none of us are perfect, we all sometimes need to hear when we could be doing a better job or when things are not quite so perfect for our partner. Sometimes we need to hear about it when we really flub up.  (Except me of course, being a perfect Domme and all ;)

I learned a model a long time ago in a management class that’s served me well.  Praise, constructive criticism, praise.

Before I ever approach someone to offer constructive criticism, I try to make sure I know my audience.  This means knowing how sensitive they are, how receptive they will be, what words appear less threatening, and when the timing is right to approach them.  When we’re ready, I can begin (with *honest* words) the “offer praise, offer constructive criticism, complete with praise” approach.*

A couple of examples might be:

“I really appreciate your attempts to do ______.  You did a nice job with this aspect and this aspect and I especially appreciated that you responded as quickly as you did.  I would like to ask that you take a look at this one thing because there is room for improvement there.  Let’s discuss our ideas on how things can improve.  When you make these adjustments I believe you’ll come closer to meeting my expectations and yours as well.  I know you can do this because you’re bright, you are very diligent when it comes to tasks I ask for you to complete, ..”, etc.

“You are a very responsible, intelligent person.  Those are only a couple of the reasons I love being your dominant lady.   With this one task, you’ve fallen short.  Let’s talk about why and what needs to happen to make certain you complete it to my satisfaction.  It’s not at all like you to fail to do as I ask/ to do things like this.  You’re intelligent, able to accomplish so many things, and I know you want to please me.”

This sounds all pollyanna sunshiney, but it does usually work for me when managing others and it can work within a femdom relationship.  I just adjust it a bit :)

–

*I’m not a relationship coach.  This shouldn’t be construed as a magic bullet as so many variables play into any interaction.  I’m simply relating what works for me.

~ Lady Julia

~~~~~~~

Constructive Criticism – When He Falls Short (or She Does) is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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