Earlier I was speaking with a friend and the subject turned to blogs that seemed to be a bit.. fanciful.  There are a few “Domme” blogs that I read that I often think, “This has to be written by a man”.  There are several others where I often find myself wondering how anyone can possibly do “x”.  In spite of my suspicions about the accuracy of the tales, I still enjoy reading them.  The authors write well and the commenters usually share interesting points of view.

When you find yourself reading blog posts that seem to stretch the truth by a little or a lot, does this turn you away from the blog completely or do you simply read it and take the information presented “for what it’s worth”? Would you prefer that the author state in the small print it was a work of fiction or would that ruin the suspension of disbelief? Would you read such a pseudo-real blog or would you prefer out and out fiction in say, short story format?

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Fact versus Fiction is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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A friend and I have recently been discussing the need for women to know how to defend themselves.  With very little persuasion on my part he very sweetly agreed to address the issue here for me. Thanks to him for a job well done.

Are strong women feminine? Most of us would say “yes”. But what if that woman was physically strong? What if she was a very good fighter, more than able to physically defend herself? Some of us would say that it is a good thing, but I think a lot of men and some women have trouble with that image. In general we don’t think of women in these terms.

When I was younger I was asked by my karate sensei (teacher) to be a street attacker in his women’s self defense class. Most of the women in the class were there because they were the victims of domestic violence. Very few were there because they just wanted to learn some self defense basics. Thirty years ago you did not see many women training. I think this is slowly changing. But nowhere near the same numbers as guys.

I came to the following conclusions. Women in general just are not into fighting like guys are. Women are not encouraged to take up any training. In fact many are discouraged from taking classes. I think some guys find strong women intimidating. I also think guys are worried it is one more thing she doesn’t need me for. It feeds their insecurity.

All this I kind of understand. I don’t agree, but I understand it. What I found intriguing was that a lot of the women in class were concerned that being a “fighter” was not feminine. This is what I want to discuss.

My sensei would use the following imagery. Watch a nature show about big cats, let’s say tigers. Both the males and females are strong and fierce hunters, but there is no mistaking the females from the males. The female is strong, sleek and graceful. She walks differently, she behaves differently.

The males fight for sex, food and dominance over other males.

The females fight to protect their young and themselves. She will drive off males and predators much bigger than she is. She will do anything to protect her cubs. She will also protect herself when the cubs are not present. She has to defend herself from harm, or her cubs will die. I think this is just beautiful. The females desire to defend herself is driven by their maternal instincts, and their need to protect and nurture.

I think the corollary applies to humans. Women will risk their lives to save their children or someone else’s children without hesitation. Where the analogy breaks down is training. Female and male tiger cubs get equal training. It is part of their play. They are always pouncing and mock fighting. It is perfectly natural for them.

In our culture women just do not get that much self defense training. It is not considered “lady like”.

I think that is utterly false. I think that any woman that learns to defend herself is the very definition of femininity. The instinct to protect themselves and others is supremely feminine. I don’t think it matters if the woman has children or not. Think about how much we depend on the women in our lives. What would our lives be like without their nurturing and support? When a woman protects herself she is also protecting her loved ones.

I would like to see all women receive some training in basic self defense. I wish it was a normal part of growing up. I hope woman realize how important their safety is to us, and how much our lives would be diminished if you were harmed. We don’t always tell you that, but is true.

I hope that guys encourage the women in their lives to get some basic training. We have to give up the romanticized notion that we will always be there to protect them. Unfortunately that is just not true. I wish it was true but it is not. I hope all men realize that a strong woman who can defend herself is very very feminine.

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Lady Julia’s note:

These things don’t just happen to other people.

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Women’s Self Defense and Femininity is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I’ve been busy, busy, busy lately. I say this not as a complaint but because being super busy has somehow reinforced that feeling I have of really being alive again. I’m zooming around here and there getting things done, toying a bit with people in only the most fun sort of way, and freely feeling all the emotions I have tried unsuccessfully to suppress for far too long. I’ve been happy, sad, excited, playful and even scared.  I’m experiencing them all without reservation and yay – I have survived.

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Thanks to those who offered to do some writing for me.  I didn’t quite receive the response I had anticipated, but I was nonetheless pleased with the quality of writing I know I will see from those who are going to assist me.  Three of the volunteers have blogs themselves so it will be nice to thank them for their efforts by sending a bit of web traffic their way.  Even though none of us (the volunteers and I) are striving to achieve a high number of site visitors, obviously we enjoy knowing the things we write are being read by people who share our interests.

Speaking of web traffic, I was wondering if those of you who have linked to my blog would double check and make sure you have the most current URL:  http://www.ladyjulia.net/myblog     I appreciate the update :)

I’m going to be adding to my Mesmerizing Women of the Web site, so if you have any suggestions for additions, please email me.

It’s been exciting to see the response to my new sites, The Silken Web and The Silken Tease.  Based on the feedback I’ve received I’m beginning to think separating those topics out to their own sites was a really good idea.  I’m sure I’ll know for certain very soon.

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This afternoon I’ve spent some time in the backyard.  It’s soooo hot and humid here that it’s actually quite unpleasant when doing almost any outdoor activity.  Still, as one can’t stay trapped indoors for three months, I decided to spend time alternating between swimming and lying by the pool.  Usually when I’m lying on the deck the sun feels as if it is tenderly kissing and caressing my body, but today it was much more insistent.  Remaining still was difficult because my body quite quickly grew hot and desperate for a dip.  The feeling of the plunge was amazing, and as the cool water wrapped around my body, I felt myself drifting on tiny little waves of pleasure.

Overall, it was worth enduring the heat :)

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Randomness for June 22nd is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I’m going to be busy over the next several days, so I’m not sure how much I will be around to respond to emails, calls, etc.  Just wanted to let you know because I am aware that a couple of my friends worry when they don’t hear from me for a couple of days.  I do believe I will have time to post some already-written pieces and to read/respond to comments left here.

The piece I’m posting today is something I’ve thought about for some time now and have really struggled with how to share my views without offending the majority.  I know there are always going to be a few who get in a snit no matter what I write, but those people are predictable and I generally feel their getting upset is their choice and thus their problem.  My intent is to share food for thought, not to criticize.  I am sure most of you know me and will take it that way.

Hope your weekend is exciting and full of laughter :)

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A Bit Busy is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I’m thinking Richard has the makings of a really good houseboy, not that he would be thrilled to hear me say that :)

Earlier tonight I wasn’t feeling very well so he offered to fix dinner, eventually shooing me out of the kitchen and telling me to leave everything to him.  Since my tummy had convinced me that I wasn’t interested in eating anyway, I went out to run some errands while dinner cooked and he and Bill ate.  I expected to find a huge mess when I returned, but much to my surprise the kitchen was all spic and span.

Before I could even think about what I was saying I remarked, “Well aren’t you a good boy!”

His eyes rested on my face for a moment.  “I have always hated for someone to use that word in reference to me, I especially dislike it now at my age.  I suppose I could put up with it from you.”  His grin signaled that he wasn’t too upset.

Good thing, as I doubt I can break myself from that  habit anyway :)  “Oh you know you like it.  Most men like knowing they’ve made a woman smile, even when they can feel themselves being wrapped a bit tighter around her little finger – or maybe even because of that.”

“Hmph”.  He turned and began walking to the family room, grumbling a couple of times on the way and then laughing as he rounded the corner.

I do like a man with a good sense of humor.

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While I was out earlier I overheard a woman in line at the pharmacy proclaiming in a very loud voice to her companion that all men were bastards.  She certainly caught my attention right away and also the attention of everyone around her.  “None of them can be trusted.  They’re all unfaithful, lying bastards.”

To my surprise, several women in the line were nodding in agreement and one was even verbally agreeing.  The men who were in line or standing near the line were all looking either away or down at the floor.  Ordinarily I would have jumped to their defense, but circumstances prevented me from doing so.  Part of me thinks I’d give anything for a do-over so that I could speak up, but the practical part of me says that most people aren’t going to change how they feel about something like that unless they do so on their own.

I can understand how some might feel that way.  I’ve been hurt a few times in my life and I wasn’t too pleased with the people who hurt me.  That said, I do not ever remember feeling that way about *all* men.  Perhaps it is the Pollyanna in me but I find men to be pretty decent overall.  In many ways I pity the women who are so bitter that they think all men are bad because that point of view can keep them from meeting someone who will prove them wrong.

Do you find people are increasingly dissatisfied and distrustful with members of the opposite sex or is it simply that the people who are dissatisfied are the ones who talk the most?

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I am currently in need of 5-6 people to write short, non-fiction pieces for me.  I have the topics and a general description of what I want.  There will be no research as you’ll be writing strictly from your experience.  If you communicate well in written form and are interested, please write me.

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I’m still working on the first post in my “When A Woman Agrees To A Femdom Relationship” series. Instead of rushing into it, I want to take my time and make sure I say precisely what I mean. Stay tuned for that one.

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Someone wrote today and asked me why I don’t share more personal, specific information about my relationships.   I don’t mind writing some things, especially when it isn’t clear who I am referring to, but overall I respect people’s privacy and wouldn’t wish to make them uncomfortable (unless uncomfortable feels good, of course ;)    While this means I don’t write about specific and deliciously juicy things very often, there are certainly plenty of people out there who tell everything.  I don’t believe anyone is missing out by me exercising a bit of discretion.

I could share more things in a general way, removing identifying traits, changing a few details and thereby protecting egos and identities.  I have hestitated to do this in the past because it felt a bit as if I were coloring the truth, but perhaps if I explained that a few details have been changed to protect identities and feelings, then I could share stories a little more often.  I’ll think about it.

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Randomness for June 3rd is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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Via my “Ask Lady Julia” Survey link available in the column to the right, a reader asked me to complete the following “four things” meme.  Thanks to the questioner.

Four favorite foods

• Chocolate (yes, everyone’s surprised I know)
• Strawberries
• Cheesecake
• Cashew Shrimp

Four movies I can watch over and over (well, not over and over, but once every six months or so)

• Steel Magnolias
• Casablanca
• O Brother Where Art Thou
• A Knight’s Tale

Four places I would rather be right now when it isn’t swelteringly hot

• London
• Scotland
• Florida (yes, I’ve never been)
• The Grand Canyon

Four things I would like to do before I die

• See the Phantom of the Opera
• Take a horse-drawn carriage ride
• Dance on the beach (have only been to the beach twice, once when it was below freezing)
• Play and make love in a five star hotel suite

Four qualities I think are attractive

• A good sense of humor
• A kind heart
• A quick mind
• A vivid imagination

Four toys I like

• Silk scarves
• Blindfold
• Small suede flogger for teasing
• Cock collar and leash

Four places I’ve done something kinky or edgey

• In the airport terminal in Louisville
• The roof of the Sears Tower in Chicago
• A Civil War park in Indiana
• The Parthenon in Nashville

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I finally saw “Angels and Demons“.  I’m not sure what anyone else thought, but as usual, I was disappointed with the movie adaptation of a book I enjoyed.  Perhaps if I hadn’t read the book, the movie would have been ok.  It was a little frustrating to see how Vittoria Vetra  was portrayed.  In the book she was smart, strong, and an integral character, while in the movie she pretty much followed Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) around and looked pretty.

“The Duchess“, starring Kiera Knightley as the very charasmatic Georgiana,  Duchess of Devonshire, is another movie I’ve seen recently.  If you like strong women and you don’t mind period pieces, this is a movie you’ll probably enjoy.  (When I say she was strong, you have to keep in mind that women of her day were so insignificant that they were valued for little more than breeding – chattel who could be beaten with a stick by their husbands as long as said stick was not bigger than the size of his thumb.)    This lady was so charming it was said that “the Duke of Devonshire must be the only man in England not in love with his wife.”   In the movie as well as in real life, the Duchess was intelligent, politically minded, and bold – qualities I find admirable of women today, let alone in a time when women were considered property.

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A couple of weeks ago I published two guest blogger posts, one written by FTW and the other a series penned by Arafin.  I’m interested in hosting the writings of others on a weekly basis, so if you would like to contribute, please let me know.

~ ~

That’s about it for tonight.  I’ve been sitting curled up on my chair for quite some time, watching TV and writing this entry.  It’s time to shower and slip between soft, sweet smelling sheets.

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Randomness for June 1st is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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Yesterday’s posts seem to stir things up much more than I anticipated.  I knew my views on Proposition 8, Domme apparel, and strapons would not be popular with some, but I was really surprised at the venomous emails I received.  (Not all were nasty, so if you were sweet or polite, don’t worry – I can tell the difference.)  It really surprises me when people who appear to be involved in an alternative lifestyle (or at least desire to be) are so intolerant of the views of others.  Why does my opinion matter so much that it elicits this kind of anger?  It is seldom that I make a blanket “this is true all the time” statement.   Usually I preface my remarks with a “this is how I feel for *me*” or “this is what happened when I experienced this” disclaimer, so it’s not as if I’m being obnoxious like a number of bloggers who profess their way is the only way.

Adults should be able to disagree.  We should be able to discuss things without making personal attacks and without taking things personally ourselves.  How I live my life and experience my relationships really has nothing to do with anyone outside of those relationships.  If we’re happy, then why not say, “hooray – the world needs more happy people”?   I try to do that with people even though, try as I might, I cannot always understand why certain things appeal to them or how they get to the conclusions they reach.  Live and let live as long as no one is being hurt.  Besides, I would feel all sorts of loser-y if I had to cut down people who held different views just so I could think more of myself.

If children had these sort of fights, we would make them sit down and learn to address their problems in a reasonable, “adult-like” manner.  Shouldn’t we be prepared be adult-like, too?

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Being All Adult-Like is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I had planned to leave today on a trip to the mountains, but Mother Nature had other ideas as she spread raindrops all over the state.  (Hate driving in the mountains when it’s raining – just too darn scary.)  I may leave tomorrow, but I’m not sure yet.  You know.. it’s frustrating for someone who likes to be in control to have that control wrenched from her hands ;)

It’s really good that I didn’t leave today as there’s quite a bit going on here.  I’ll post an update later.

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A Quick Update is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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Question from a reader:

What clothing signals to you that someone is a dominant woman?

Anything made of red silk, a saucy hat, and/or sexy black opera gloves.

If you blinked and thought, “that’s silly”, those types of clothes do not indicate a woman is dominant, then I am forced to admit you are right.

Wearing sexy boots does not make someone a Domme, nor are latex and leather the Femdom calling card.  I believe what makes a woman dominant cannot be seen or touched, it lies within her mind.  If my desires and objectives lead me to consensually control someone, then I’m a Domme no matter what I am wearing.

I know many men claim that clothes make the woman, but I think the clothes push the kink buttons :)  There is a difference, isn’t there?

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Another reader queried:

What is your opinion about strap-ons?  Would using one give you a sense of power?

Strapons are a tool just like a silk scarf or a red ribbon.   I would not feel a sense of power from using any toy or tool – I would feel it as I saw, heard, and felt his surrender.  In spite of what some profess, I do not think a woman requires a replica of a male penis to be in control.   If she chooses to use one *while* controlling him (or her), she remains the source of control.

(Click here if you would like to submit a question for me.   Please be respectful :)

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Questions & Answers: Latex, Leather, and Strapons is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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Some of my thoughts tonight are of a political nature.  If you are offended by that, you should probably skip this entry.

I was saddened to see that the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8 yesterday.  I try to imagine what it would feel like to have someone tell me I couldn’t marry the person I loved just because they thought my doing so was a sin or that it in some way threatened traditional marriage.  That just seems so wrong to me.  A few people have told me that the California Supreme Court really had no recourse and I guess that is true.  It just seems to me that there is a fundamental flaw in any Constitution that allows the majority to dictate what the minority can and cannot do when what they want to do hurts no one.

There are some of my readers who disagree and I already know this.  Please know I mean no offense. This is weighing on my heart and I just could not be silent about it.

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A reader asks:

I just saw a report on CNN about Birmingham police beating a man after a high speed chase. Would it surprise you to find out that this occurred over a year ago, and the man did not know and only found out during his trial?

No.  Did you see the video? Not only did the police hit him in the head, but after his car flipped a few times he was thrown from it and knocked unconscious.   After all this, I am not surprised by any level of amnesia.  You would think he would remember the bruises and everything after, but perhaps he thought they were all a result of the accident?

During his attempt to evade arrest, the driver almost struck several cars on the interstate and nearly ran over a police officer.  Because of “severe and permanent injuries suffered from the beating, the driver is now suing the police. If the police are found guilty of brutality, what compensation do you think the man should receive?   (Interestingly enough, the plaintiff’s attorney only discovered this evidence when he asked for the original of the video for technical reasons.)

The attorney for the defense says she doesn’t expect the case to go to trial for years, if ever.

(Click here if you would like to submit a question for me.   Please be respectful :)

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Our hypnosis party had to be pushed back for a week. We’re a bit disappointed but are being optimistic – at least this gives me another week to formulate my plan :)

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I’ve had problems with my domain today. Not the entire domain, though – just the blog.  Have any of you noticed?  Most of this entry has been composed on a text editor and I’m going to hold it til I can actually access things to post it.

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A week or so ago someone wrote to give me the heads up that one of my MP3s was being distributed via a site that is not mine.  If you happen to see my work hosted elsewhere, please let me know via email.  You may also leave a comment regarding this here as well, but I will not publish it as I do not wish to give link juice to someone who is hosting my work without my permission.

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A question for all you sweet fellas who volunteered to write a story for me.  How are things going with this? :)

~ ~

This is really a random entry, isn’t it?  My thoughts have been a bit scattered the past few days so I thought I would get a few things out and hopefully off my mind.  If I have time later, I will post responses to a few other readers’ questions concerning Femdom relationships and kink.

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Randomness for May 27th is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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