Before reading this, please understand that I am not pointing a finger and saying that anyone in particular has behaved this way or felt this way. If none of it rings even slightly true with you, then excellent. If it does, then please don’t take it as a criticism. I merely wanted to offer a bit of insight into how a situation like this could unfold and solicit suggestions on how things could perhaps be handled differently. In no way was this post written with the intention of discouraging men from approaching their partners about a Femdom or Female Led Relationship.
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Just for a moment, I’d like for you to sit back, close your eyes, and imagine that you’re a vanilla woman who loves her partner. Come on – really try.
Good.
Now, imagine that your partner has approached you and asked that your entire relationship change – almost everything you’ve ever known with regard to your relationship would be very different. “I want you to completely change how we interact both in the bedroom and out. You’ll be in charge so everything is on your shoulders. Oh and I really need lots of kinky things to happen as well.”
Of course, he probably didn’t say it exactly like that. However when you mix together what he said, what he meant, what you heard, and how you reacted – it’s not unreasonable to think it would end up something like that inside your head, is it?
Now.. imagine how you would feel. What would go through your mind?
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why is he changing and why now?”
“You want me to do what??”
“Isn’t how I love him enough? Doesn’t he love me anymore?”
“I’m already responsible for so much. You want me to be responsible for more??”
So even though you’re thinking all this, you try it because after all you love your husband/partner, he says he needs this to be happy, and you want him to be happy. It makes you uncomfortable, but some of it isn’t so bad. You kind of like the massages and the help with the housework, you like some of the attention. But – if he loved you, why wasn’t he doing all that already even without you having to make such a drastic change?
Now, imagine after trying to do as he asked, he has approached you again and added, “If you would just talk to me in this way and say these certain things that are really not how you speak, that would make things perfect. And oh yeah, it isn’t enough that you are doing all these things I’ve asked, you need to like it and get turned on by it, too. It’s no good for me otherwise.”
How would you feel?
If you were the lady in this situation, what things would you want him to consider before approaching you about this?
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I want to make certain I’ve made it clear that I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with a man sharing his needs with his partner. I’m merely suggesting he might wish to consider how he approaches the situation and that he makes certain to consider her feelings as well.
Also, please note.. just as there are things the fellas might wish to consider, I believe the same holds true with the ladies as well. It works two ways and eventually I hope to speak to both.
