It’s been quite interesting to follow the comments on my two recent posts regarding rape and responsibility. While I don’t agree with all the responses, they certainly provided food for thought.

A couple of things struck me as the discussion unfolded.

It seems as if we aren’t all defining the word “responsible” in the same manner. Are there certain behaviors – like drinking til you pass out in the presence of strangers or walking alone in a dangerous area at night – irresponsible things to do? Well, yes, I consider them to be. If an individual is raped as a result of these actions, is the rape the fault of the victim? Absolutely not. We all make poor choices at time. Doing so does not mean “we get what we deserve” or that “our actions are the reason something happened”.

In taking one last view of the survey results, I find I agree with FTW – the questions are ambiguous and the numbers are probably not statistically accurate. That said, I suspect it does fairly accurately reflect the gap between how males view rape and responsibility and how women see the situation. Would you agree? If so, why do you suppose females take a much harsher position?

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Just One More Post About This and I’ll Let it Drop – Probably is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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I finally located the Haven’s “Wake Up To Rape” Survey Report.   A few excerpts:

There are many situations in which some people feel that a person should take responsibility for being raped. Over half (56%) of those surveyed think that there are some circumstances where a person should accept responsibility. Of those people the circumstances are:

• Performing another sexual act on them (73%)
• Getting into bed with a person (66%)
• Drinking to excess / blackout (64%)
• Going back to theirs for a drink (29%)
• Dressing provocatively (28%)
• Dancing in a sexy way with a man at a night club or bar (22%)
• Acting flirtatiously (21%)
• Kissing them (14%)
• Accepting a drink and engaging in a conversation at a bar (13%)

Women are less forgiving than men. They are more likely to think that a person should accept responsibility when:

• Performing another sexual act on them (75% vs. 70%)
• Getting into bed with a person (71% vs. 57%)
• Going back to theirs for a drink (35% vs. 19%)
• Dressing provocatively (31% vs. 23%)
• Dancing in a sexy way with a man at a night club or bar (23% vs. 19%)
• Accepting a drink and engaging in a conversation at a bar (15% vs. 11%)

Just curious – when you refer to “responsibility”, whether some or total, what do you mean? It’s her fault? She deserved it? She should have anticipated that she would be raped? She contributed to the situation?

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More About “It’s Her Fault” is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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When I was in my early thirties, I consulted for a company that inspected certain existing and new buildings to make sure they complied with applicable standards. During one such inspection, I accompanied a very, very attractive administrator to an almost-completed facility, “just to make certain there were no last minute things (they) needed to do”.

It seemed a reasonable request and being the somewhat innocent southern woman I was back then, it never occurred to me to be even slightly worried about going. I was a professional, he was a professional, no problem.

At one point during the walk-through, he made a pass. It wasn’t the first pass I had ever rebuffed and being the sort of person who hated hurting even a jerk’s feelings, I was sure I could very nicely put him in his place.

Not so.

Things eventually escalated and I left him lying on the floor gripping his crotch in sheer agony. Given how hard I kneed him, it’s a good possibility he’s still lying there. If he’s not, I suspect he never had an erection again. Either scenario is ok with me since he attempted to rape me.

I never reported that incident to anyone. I, a very average looking, chubby nurse had accompanied a very, very attractive doctor I did not know to a remote location. I was afraid at the time that either no one would believe someone like him would have to force someone like me, or they would think I deserved it.

Now, older, wiser, and more self-confident, I’m not sure it would be prudent to do anything different if I were alone and it was my word against his. Here’s why:

According to the BBC:

A majority of women believe some rape victims should take responsibility for what happened, a survey suggests.

Almost three quarters of the women who believed this said if a victim got into bed with the assailant before an attack they should accept some responsibility.

One-third blamed victims who had dressed provocatively or gone back to the attacker’s house for a drink.

According to Sky News:

Nearly a fifth (19%) of females said the victim should accept partial responsibility if they go back to their attacker’s house.

And one in eight thought a victim who dances in a provocative manner on a night out is also to blame for any consequences.

I do not even know how to respond to such thinking. How can anyone ever feel comfortable about reporting a rape if this many *women* believe it’s the fault of the victim?

This has been on my mind for a couple of days now, and yes, if it happened again, I would report it.  It might not be wise but at the very least, I’d cast doubt on my attacker’s reputation.   And, HE would know *I* didn’t let him win even if other people did.

~

*This is not a story I generally tell people and most certainly not strangers. I’m speaking up in the hopes that people will discuss this issue and perhaps, as a result, change their thinking.   I prefer no comments on my personal situation but I would enjoy hearing your thoughts on the issue in general. Do you agree with the majority of British women? If you do, I won’t take it as a commentary on me or my situation, so please feel free to speak your mind.

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It’s Her Fault is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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It’s been a busy week so I haven’t had time to post or respond to emails nearly as much as I wanted. Surely time must be a woman, because if it were a man I think I could persuade him to be a little more relaxed with his rules. Thirty hours in a day? Oh my, yes! Such a good boy.. that’s precisely what I need. Could you arrange with the Sandman to be a bit more frugal with his magical dust so I can sleep less and feel better than I do now? Thank you! I am so very pleased :)

Ah well, back to the real world.

At the moment I’m sitting in a warm car waiting for Richard to pick up a few things in the pharmacy. Since we had 6 inches of snow on the ground when we awakened and much deeper drifts along the driveway, etc., we pretty much stayed indoors yesterday. When he mentioned getting out, I didn’t even wait to see where he was going – what did it matter? It was the great outdoors! Ok, the great parking lot.

It’s interesting to sit and watch people when they don’t know anyone is paying attention. A 50-something man just let the door slam in the face of an elderly woman, leaving a visibly indignant 20ish man to assist her. People say today’s young people have no manners (something that people have been saying for decades or longer I am sure), but that certainly doesn’t always seem to be the case.

Speaking of misperceptions about people…

I’ve been thinking about discrimination a lot this week. Someone I spoke with recently said he didn’t believe women were really treated differently than men in the work place. Just wondering.. do you find that to be the case? I admit, I have worked doing private duty nursing care for the past several years, but I can’t imagine things have changed that much in such a short time. More on that in another post, but I do hope you’ll share your insight in the meantime.

On a related note, do you find the people around you frequently gender bash?  Perhaps it would be interesting  to take note this week to determine just how often we are exposed to gender bias and even hatred.   If you are frequently exposed,  do you believe it has an impact on you?

More soon.

~ Lady Julia

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Gender Bashing, Discrimination, and a Little Bit of Randomness is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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In my rant of yesterday, I mentioned my utter surprise that FOX News seemed to be silent on the issue of Playboy magazine’s reprehensible article.  While this appears to be accurate with regard to the FOX News website, the FOX News channel did have a response.

In case you do not have a spare 10 minutes to listen, allow me to share a few excerpts.   I’m pulling each snippet from a full conversation, so if you want the context, you’ll have to listen to the video.  I made every effort to be accurate, however since I am not a stenographer and am also a bit distracted by my temper, any quoted text in this post may contain one or two word errors.

• FOX News Commentator 1:   Now isn’t being on the list kind of a compliment because he’s saying that although he despises your ideology, he’s obviously still wants to be with you?  (he does laugh after this remark, but I believe he is laughing at what Mary Catherine Ham is saying in response to his question and not at the absurdity of what he said.)
• FOX News Commentator 1:   They could only do this list with conservatives, because they couldn’t come up with 10 on the other side.  It’s a fact.
• FOX News Commentator 2:  Who uses terms like this except serial rapists, and it’s classic Hef, and I don’t know if he’s a serial rapist but he surrounds himself with you know these brainless, boob-enhanced sycophants who are probably too stupid to consent.

Oh thank goodness FOX News took a stand against misogyny.  I’m not sure what women would have done if they hadn’t.

I hope that I am mistaken, but it seemed to me that the FOX commentators were not too disturbed this was said about women in general, but that it was said about conservative women.   Perhaps they were simply reacting because some of the women on the list were their friends, but this didn’t seem to be a “fair and balanced” report to me.

FOX was able to obtain a statement from Playboy.  Andy Levy reports:

I did speak to Theresa Hennessey, the Vice President of public relations for Playboy Enterprises, Inc. and she sent me the following statement:

“Playboy has a long and proud history of supporting women’s organizations and has been an advocate of equal rights for women since its inception more than 55 years ago.  The feature on Playboy.com was by no means intended to insinuate or encourage violence against women, something the organization adamantly abhors.”

She told me the article was pulled because of the insinuation of violence.  I asked her well how did this slip through the editing cracks, you know, and she said it actually didn’t, it’s just that nobody realized it would be misinterpreted.

So I asked her since it was being misinterpreted what was it intended to be, as you just asked, Greg.  Uh, and she said it was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek article like they do with sexiest women sportscasters, etc., but when they realized it wasn’t coming across like that to a lot of people, they took it down.

Well thank you Playboy for the apology (insert sarcastic tone here).  If this article had not been interpreted to insinuate violence, it would have been perfectly acceptable?

Sigh.

Yes, I know that there is a good chance this article was published strictly to create buzz – a tactic ala the radio shock jocks. After all, they distributed press releases about this trash to some conservative media sources. Some say by writing about it I’m giving them the attention they seek. Perhaps that’s true, but I really could not remain silent. I’m stepping away now, though. I fear if I do not my blood pressure just might cause the top of my head to explode. 

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Fox News Addresses Playboy’s Misogyny is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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It would seem that Guy Cimbalo, a writer for Playboy magazine, has a true fondness for women.  He recently penned a list of the “Top 10 Conservative Women We Hate to Love”.   Of course, by “Hate to Love”, Cimbalo was actually referring to the “Hate Fuck” (a phrase some are saying is a euphemism for rape).   This is the most misogynistic piece of writing I’ve seen in a long time.  What is wrong with people??  Why on earth would Playboy think it was acceptable to publish such a piece??

For years I have heard the debate over Playboy and other “men’s” magazines.  They exploit women.  No, they serve to celebrate men’s appreciation of women.   As far as I am concerned, Playboy has clarified their position with this article.

I would link directly to the Playboy site, but they have pulled the article after what appears to be massive protest.  Fortunately once you put something out on the internet, it will never truly disappear.  You may see screen shots of the entire article here.  You really must see the article to appreciate the vileness of it all.

Aside from the obvious, a couple of things really bothered me about this.

First is the apparent absence of mainstream media attention.  If you do a search for “Playboy” on the sites for CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and FOX, you will find the following regarding this story:

• CNN – nothing
• MSNBC – nothing
• CBS – one mention, a editorial by Connie Erbe.  Ms. Erbe makes it clear she is writing her editorial because “Teri Christoph, whom I have never met, asked me to stand up for conservative women who were maligned by an online article on Playboy magazine’s website.”   Wow.  No one has to ask me to stand up for women.  She goes on to say, “I also want to note that at least one woman on the list is so venom-spewing, she unfortunately invites venom to be shot back at her: Michelle Malkin. Her posts and her ‘routine’ are so venomous and predictable, in fact, I stopped paying attention to her years ago.”  Ok… if I interpret her response correctly, it would seem Ms. Erbe thinks Ms Malkin was asking for it???   Unbelievable.
• ABC – Posted a video response from Elisabeth Hasselbeck, co-host of the View.  (Ms Hasselbeck was unfortunate enough to make this Top 10 list.)  If ABC, who employs Ms. Hasselbeck,  issued their own statement regarding this subject, I was unable to locate it.
• FOX – nothing

Why wasn’t there more outrage?  I cannot believe FOX news  wasn’t all over this.  Isn’t such a vicious, misogynistic attack worthy of mention?  Perhaps they don’t want to give Playboy the attention, however calling attention to negative issues seems to be a pastime for the media.

Can you imagine the media frenzy (and rightfully so) had these remarks been racist in nature?

I’m also disturbed that one liberal news site initially published only the headline from Playboy’s article and the names of the women who made this list.   The article, written by Politico.com’s Anne Schroeder, was taken so seriously by this female writer that it was filed under the category “antics“.    (Schroeder’s original article was also pulled.   The result of protest?  My guess would be yes.)

Imagine what you would have seen on Politico and other liberal news sites had this list contained the names of famous liberal women.  I can’t say for sure that the response would be any different, but one does have to wonder.   What difference does it make if the women listed are conservative or liberal?  They’re human beings who do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone, much less a magazine that is the largest selling men’s magazine, selling about three million copies a month in the U.S.

I believe when magazines promote opinions like this, they help perpetuate misogyny.   Hate quite often leads to violence.  In the US there are 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.

No, Playboy is not responsible for all these things, but every pebble dropped in the pool of misogyny contributes to the problem.   With a circulation of three million, they certainly have influence.  While they withdrew the article, as far as I can determine there has been no apology, no clarification that Playboy does not support hatred or violence against women.

Isn’t it time we stood up to things like this and said, “No more!”  I for one am composing my letter right now.

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Herein Lies a Rant: Playboy vs Women is a post from: Lady Julia's Entranced Realm (c) 2010 Lady Julia. If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please leave a comment. Remember, feedback typically encourages writers to write more ;)

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