I’ve established a new site that will focus entirely on sensual tease and denial. The Silken Tease will offer information, suggestions, real-life stories, and fictional stories about orgasm control. It is entirely possible that I will do a bit of playful tease and denial there with a few of my readers should any of them please me enough to deserve experiencing that level of control ;)
Someone recently asked me about Femdom rituals so I’ve addressed that as my second post.
In response to my post, “Orgasm Control: Can Men Be Trusted Not to Masturbate?” mikecb remarked:
As someone DEEPLY into the chastity fetish, I can say that for me the thrill of chastity play is equal parts denial, and bondage. I’ve done self-imposed stints of chastity that lasted for months without a device. I honestly think that if I was in a D/s situation with my wife, I could use the honor system. Still, that wouldn’t “scratch the itch” for me as much as actually wearing the device.
I completely understand the desire some have for wearing a device. If using one long term appealed to my partner, then it would be more attractive to me – not because I’m allowing him to top from the bottom, but because I enjoy controlling his pleasure. Seeing him excited about this – or anything else – would usually change how I view it. While I may opt not to do it, it would interesting for both of us to know I have it in my arsenal of things I might try :)
When it comes to having someone in long term chastity, I do have some health concerns. According to Dr. Arthur Goldstein, a Urologist who responds to questions on AllExperts.com, there are some things to consider.
From a strictly medical standpoint, it is healthy to periodically empty the prostate gland. The frequency depends on the age of the patient and how often they get aroused. This is usually determined by trial and error. For most younger men, this is in the 2-4 times a week range. With aging, the frequency lessens. I can tell you that emptying via prostatic massage is an uncomfortable technique, cetainly devoid of any pleasure or orgasm and not nearly efficient as natural ejaculation. – This is an excerpt. Original question and complete response located here.
When locking someone up for extended periods of time, I would keep the Doctor’s remarks in mind. Based on his comments, it seems that prostate milking may be in order if the chastity lasted for longer than a few weeks. (Lady Lubyanka. after researching the hows and whys, has written an extensive explanation on how to milk the prostate.)
mikecb went on to say:
Having to deal with things like sitting in the mens room EVERY time.. hiding myself in the locker room at the gym.. all these things enhance both the bondage feeling, and also the eroticism of it. If my Wife was actually INTERESTED in it, it would also emphasize the D/s aspects to me as well. Knowing that I was risking humiliation and detection to please her is a turn-on.
That absolutely works for me, too :) I could enjoy doing this on a short term basis even if it wasn’t particularly his thing.
mikecb concluded by adding:
So, if chastity play is something for mutual satisfaction, I’d suggest that some of us subs get a great deal of joy not only from surrendering control of our orgasms, but also from spicy eroticism involved in the day to day issues of wearing the device as we live our otherwise vanilla lives.
Thanks Mike. I appreciate comments that allow me to better understand how some men think since I don’t look at things the same way :)
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See my website for further reading regarding health concerns associated with male chastity
NOTE: Any information offered here should not be considered expert advice. I am not responsible for advice given by the authors of external links.
I’ve posted a new (and relatively short) article on my website regarding orgasm control and chastity devices. Your comments are welcome.
Today I’ve wanted to write something elegantly seductive. But.. my mind is in a more primal place. I want to control you… to control your pleasure. Just for now… just for a little while.
Earlier as I followed the motions of my exercise routine, my body moving, stretching, bending… so alive… my mind was on fire with thoughts of taking you to a place where you would know you were wholly and completely controlled.
Some say the only way to control a man is to control his cock. I know that isn’t quite true. You’re much more complex than that… but… controlling that most favored part of your body.. well… it certainly does capture your attention.
“You may not touch.” “Tease, bring yourself to the edge, then stop.” “Come for me now.”
Smiles.. I know that you twitched a bit just now. I love how easy it is to control your body with just a few words – words that affect not only you but me as well. What excites me most is knowing that it doesn’t matter which of those sentences I utter, you’ll not only obey, but you’ll be excited and eager, oh so eager to do so.
Because it isn’t what happens to your cock that excites you the most, is it? It’s the knowledge that you’re surrendering control to me. You want to touch yourself, I know. Especially now as you read this, imagining how arousing this is for me.. oh how you want to touch. But… you won’t without permission. While touching feels good, the control feels so much better.
I wish you could hear me at this precise moment, hear my delighted laughter as I think of you squirming a bit now.. torn between aching to touch… and craving that control. The desire to surrender control is too strong.. you feel you must let go and follow my direction. It’s inevitable. It’s a part of who you are.
Just as the excitement I feel as I tease you is such a part of me.
So what shall it be tonight? A powerful release? The sweet agony of tease and then denial? Or.. just denial? I’ll let you know…
Recently Jake asked,
Do you think you could give more examples of what you do when you dominate? I’m not trying to get personal I only want something that my wife could get ideas from.
I’m always hesitant about responding to things like this because I don’t want to give advice. What works for me works for me; it won’t necessarily work for someone else. What I do with one person might not be the same thing I would do with another. It’s about knowing your audience and yourself, isn’t it? :)
With that caveat, I don’t mind talking about a few things that have been effective for me with the thought that it might stir ideas for someone else.
One of the things that pushes so many submissive men’s buttons is orgasm control. There are many ways to achieve this. Some are simple. Some are very.. shall we say… long term. Quite often I find that I really enjoy a brief period of tease and denial. It’s very sexy for him and for me.
Text messaging and email are great tools for teasing and giving instructions. The messages don’t have to be complex – in fact, they can be quite simple. Much of it is in the timing. My friend John is sharing a meal with his friends as I write this. He knows how playful I like to be in public places and how I enjoy seeing a man squirm a bit from excitement. I just sent a text message to him saying,
Wouldn’t it be exciting if I were sitting beside you? The whole time you would be wondering if and when my hand would drop down to my lap and then move to touch you.
I can just imagine how he reacted when he read it. Miles away, yet controlled. He won’t be able to get that out of his mind for the rest of the meal. Simple, yet hot (at least to me – I love teasing.)
Emails offer the opportunity for more detailed teasing and directions.
Subject: Read This Email When You Are At Home
Dearest pet,
When you receive this email I want you to stop everything, go into the bedroom, and take off all your clothes. No, don’t do it hurriedly. Slowly, my pet – as if you were stripping for me.
Once you’re naked, kneel beside your bed for me. You know how much I love it when you are naked and kneeling. Mmm.
Begin stroking, slowly teasing. Tease yourself as I would. As you do as I have requested, think of me. My hand controlling you, my hand teasing you, my hand bringing you all the way to the edge. Slowing down again, then bringing yourself to the edge once more. Three times to the edge. No more, no less.
Then stop.
You didn’t think I would allow you to release today, did you? :)
I merely wanted a nice little tease session. Something for me to think about while I’m busy working. You know how much I will enjoy this, don’t you? How my body will react.. just as it always does when I think of how much I enjoy controlling you.
You can do this for me, can’t you? Yes, of course you can.
Soft kisses,
Lady Julia
This one I’ll save for a friend who is ill right now. When he’s feeling a bit better, I’ll send it to him. Of course, he reads my blog and he knows this will be arriving. He’s just not sure when. I’m sure the anticipation will be quite pleasant…
In response to my post, The Carrot or the Stick, Susan’s Pet remarked:
Dear Lady,
It is obvious that your companions submit to you and are nearly perfect because of the love of you or the love of submission to you. Your control by virtue of your presence is admirable.
However, I wish to add an observation that is partly based on how I feel, and partly on how I understand men who are willing to serve. I love to serve my wife, and my major goal is to make her feel good under all circumstances. But that does not always happen. How she deals with it is the difference between her and other women who are served by a man. For my purposes I like the loving relationship that you exhibit, and that I experience. I would not want to be treated brutally. Yet I also like to be taught to do my best, and in this somewhat kinky relationship that requires an occasional “course correction.” This is not to say that all relationships should be that way. My observation of other relationships are based on blogs dealing with FLR. Most men in these situations can use, even crave, discipline. The severity and frequency varies, but it is a common theme.
Your being a benign and loving Domme does not preclude you from an occasional handing out of discipline other than just your verbal disapproval. Submissive men thrive on that.
No one who has ever submitted to me was “nearly perfect” and I was not in any way saying I or my way of doing things was perfect either. I don’t control by “virtue of my presence” – I’m very proactive, very directive, very persuasive, and I reward those who do as I wish. There’s nothing passive about all that.
What I do works for me. Others have different ways of doing things and apparently they work for them. As I said in “The Carrot or the Stick” post, there have been misunderstandings and mistakes. There have been times when he may have been giving a little less than his best. What I said was there were not any acts of disobedience (a statement that was in response to a direct question regarding punishment for disobedience.)
I understand and respect that some men crave physical discipline or being spoken to harshly. That form of interaction isn’t something I choose to do, therefore I have not been in relationships with those types of men. If I were, he would be very frustrated and so would I. There are men who are more interested in strictly psychological control and those are typically the ones that appeal to me. They may not be the ones who blog, but there are plenty out there. Before I closed my YahooGroup there were 1800+ members, most who were interested in being controlled by having their thoughts and feelings gently guided.
Discipline doesn’t have to be physical nor does it have to be harsh. It can be verbal and it can also come in the form of loss of privileges (sexual release can be a privilege). And yes, discipline can be in the form of his own personal disappointment for failing to please me. For some people, that knowledge is worse than being physically punished. To me, the important thing is to know the submissive well enough that I know exactly which buttons to push.
Training someone to do their best can be accomplished by setting goals and rewarding behavior. Perhaps I might deny someone sexual release until they finish a particular task. In fact, I’ve recently been doing that with someone who has never before experienced dominance. It’s been difficult for him – really difficult. He asked a few days ago if he could have permission to release even though his task was not yet complete. My response was the choice was his – he’d given control to me, certainly he could choose to take it back. He decide it was important that he continue obeying, because while he had always had the choice, my permission was what he craved. Since I would not offer that, he wanted more to do as I asked than he did to release. I’m really proud of him – he’s learning.
Perhaps my relationships are not as difficult as they could be because I’m not doing anything strictly because the fella wants it – *I want it*. I enjoy it – it pushes both of our emotional, cognitive, and sexual buttons. If I were strictly doing it because I loved him or out of some sense of obligation, it would become a chore and we would both feel dissatisified and frustrated. He would feel rebellious at times as well. I think knowing I *really* get turned on from controlling him has to motivate his desire to obey – because “obeying is pleasing, and pleasing feels so very good”.
