Archive for the ‘Tease and Denial’ Category

More on Tease, Denial, and Attentiveness

Saturday, February 13th, 2010

We were talking last night about tease, denial, arousal, and attentiveness. It’s true that many men are more attentive when denied, but when I remarked that he wasn’t that way, that he was very attentive all the time, he paused. Yes, he’s very attentive in general because of how he feels about me, but he admitted he had noticed that he is even more so when he’s teased and denied.

While I can’t accept that a man can’t be attentive without the tease and denial – that being affectionate, giving, and frequently aroused by the things I do is what I think is reasonable to expect as a baseline for his behavior – I agree there’s no question the orgasm control amps things up a bit for a lot of men. I just don’t believe I’ve paid enough attention what it does to him.

Til now.

Let my latest study in “the psychology of the submissive male” begin ;)

(In a rush because I’m going out for the day, so this isn’t all spell and grammar checked. You’ll just have to excuse me ;)

Kneel For Me

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

(Image courtesy of a sweet friend)

“Kneel for me, Sexy Man… right here, facing the door.”

“Why do …”? My fingertips shush you.

As you drop to your knees, my lips brush the back of your neck. Mmm.. I do so love it when you shiver in that oh so excited way.

“Now, take your tie and wrap it around your wrists.”

As you obey, my lips travel to your ear, capturing the lobe and sucking gently.

“Oh.. it sounds as if that felt good, my Darling. I wasn’t sure if you would like that..”

As you turn toward my teasing voice, I remind you to keep looking straight ahead unless I order you to do otherwise. Yes, I know how hard it makes you when I order you to do anything. That’s why I do it.

“The tie is to remind you not to touch yourself. Of course you could anyway, but you won’t, because my control is stronger than any bond. Your fingers won’t wander because I don’t want them to.” As you feel the belt from my soft, silky robe in your mouth, I add, “Just a little reminder that you are not allowed to speak either.”

Turning, I sit on the edge of our bed and begin undressing. Curiosity must surely be getting the better of you as the familiar sounds of my nighttime preparation reach your ears. With a deep, contented sigh I lie back and get comfortable.

My hands begin to caress my soft, full breasts, teasing and squeezing the nipples until a low moan escapes my lips. “You really love my breasts, don’t you? Touching them, kissing them.. your warm mouth closing around each nipple, sucking.. your tongue licking..” Another moan as my excitement begins to build.

You shift a bit but dare not turn.

My right hand wanders down, slipping between my thighs, teasing my clit.

“I love it when your fingertips caress me… Exploring all the curves, dipping down and coating them with my warm wetness. It’s so easy to imagine them. You can imagine, can’t you?” Your eager nod conveys just how well.

“Your fingers sliding inside, first one, then two.. oh…yes.. it feels so good when you touch me, pet.”, my breath coming faster.

The urge to turn and watch is strong, but you’re a good, obedient boy and you stare at the door in frustration.

“As my fingers caress the body you cannot touch – my warm, soft body – I am thinking of you tied spread-eagle on the bed. Soft silky scarves preventing you from touching either of us. Kissing my way up the inside of your thighs.. watching as your cock stiffens and begs – yes, begs to be taken.”

Mmm, I love it hearing that desperate moan. I know how badly you want to touch.

“I’m so ready for you, my sexy man. So, so ready. Ready to straddle your hips, lower myself on your hardness and…”

I can no longer speak. The room is filled with moans – yours and mine – as I continue to touch and tease. So close, so very close. That delicious feeling building. Soon I cry out in release, waves of pleasure passing over my body.

As I lie panting, I chuckle. “Feeling oh so controlled and deliciously frustrated, aren’t you, my Darling?” As you nod, I continue. “You want so much to slip in the bed beside me, to touch my body, and to feel me take you just as I described. Isn’t that right?” A fervent nod.

“Stand. Yes, that’s my good boy. Don’t turn. Continue facing the door, remove the tie from your wrists, and then the gag. Now strip for me.”

I do so love watching you undress. You’re so incredibly sexy. And eager ;) I’ve never seen you undress so quickly.

“Reach out and switch off the light. Good boy.” Pausing for a moment, I add, “Now.. head downstairs my sexy Darling. You’ll be sleeping on the sofa tonight. Don’t forget to close the door on your way out and remember, no touching.”

As my warm chuckle reaches your ears, you cock twitches – and, if possible, grows even harder.

It’s going to be a long, long night.

What is Orgasm Control: Tease, Denial, or.. More?

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

Dearest Pet,

Your orgasms are mine to control.  Do you know how much that excites me?  Thank you for the gift of your surrender.  It may not be as easy as you thought, but I assure you it will be more amazing than anything you have ever imagined.

I know you have questions.   That’s good.  Understanding what this means is crucial if you are to be a good,  obedient boy.  Smiles.  Yes, I know that made you squirm and I like knowing that.  You want so much to be a good, obedient boy and that pleases me more than I can say.

A few ground rules (I will add to these as we progress):

You may no longer touch yourself for pleasure without my permission.  You may not ask to touch.  Period.  The choice is mine now since *I* own your cock.

In addition, you may not view porn or read erotic literature until I direct you to do so.   Are you surprised by the word “until”?  Don’t be.  There will be times when I will direct you to watch videos that excite you.  Sometimes you will be allowed to touch when you are reading something sexy.  At other times you won’t.  Tease, denial – both so good.  Isn’t that right?

Just as there will be times when I direct you to tease, there will be times when I will tease you myself.  The pleasure you feel will be shared pleasure because I enjoy doing this as much as you enjoy having it done.  Sometimes you will be allowed release.  Sometimes you will be denied.  Both are my ways of controlling you.  Neither is “more” control than the other.  When I alone have a say about what happens to your cock, then that’s control – not the act I have you do.  It’s important that you understand this.

There may be days at a time when I do not allow you to touch.  At other times, I may allow you release every day.  Your submission to me will not be effected by this because your submission is a choice.   Your choice.  As a strong, intelligent man I know you will regard your choice to submit as a sacred thing.   I would expect nothing less.

During sex, I will use your cock in any way I choose.  No position, no act is “dominant” or “submissive”.  Your focus will be on your surrender, mine on my control.

Get ready, my pet.  Regardless of how, when, or where, I know we will both enjoy the ride ;)


I thought this would be a fun way for me to express my philosophy on orgasm control.

Tease.. and Denial?

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Today I’ve wanted to write something elegantly seductive.  But.. my mind is in a more primal place.  I want to control you… to control your pleasure.  Just for now… just for a little while.

Earlier as I followed the motions of my exercise routine, my body moving, stretching, bending… so alive… my mind was on fire with thoughts of taking you to a place where you would know you were wholly and completely controlled.

Some say the only way to control a man is to control his cock.  I know that isn’t quite true.  You’re much more complex than that… but… controlling that most favored part of your body.. well… it certainly does capture your attention.

“You may not touch.”  “Tease, bring yourself to the edge, then stop.”  “Come for me now.”

Smiles.. I know that you twitched a bit just now.  I love how easy it is to control your body with just a few words – words that affect not only you but me as well.  What excites me most is knowing that it doesn’t matter which of those sentences I utter, you’ll not only obey, but you’ll be excited and eager, oh so eager to do so.

Because it isn’t what happens to your cock that excites you the most, is it?  It’s the knowledge that you’re surrendering control to me.  You want to touch yourself, I know.  Especially now as you read this, imagining how arousing this is for me.. oh how you want to touch.  But… you won’t without permission.  While touching feels good, the control feels so much better.

I wish you could hear me at this precise moment, hear my delighted laughter as I think of you squirming a bit now.. torn between aching to touch… and craving that control.  The desire to surrender control is too strong.. you feel you must let go and follow my direction.  It’s inevitable.  It’s a part of who you are.

Just as the excitement I feel as I tease you is such a part of me.

So what shall it be tonight?  A powerful release?  The sweet agony of tease and then denial?  Or.. just denial?  I’ll let you know…

Confessions… Under the Table

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

I’d like for you to move in a little closer.  That’s right.  Close enough for a nice, intimate conversation with me.  Very good.  I’m always pleased when I know I have your total attention ;)

It’s time for “Confessions”.  It’s a simple little game, really.  Consider the photo.  Does it stir memories?  If not, surely it stirs a fantasy or two.  I’ll share mine and of course, you’ll share yours.  Now… I’d be more pleased if you shared a few details, but I will settle for “did it”, “want to do it”, “don’t have the nerve to do it but dream about it”, “seriously I would never do that”,, etc.

Just so you understand that I’d receive the most pleasure from reading the details…

For me, an under the table moment like this falls in the category of “did it on more than one occasion”, “want to do it again”, and “it excites me right now to think about it”.

The best part of moments like this is watching his face, especially if he isn’t expecting it at all.  I quite enjoy sitting in a restaurant, keeping a very straight face while talking about something totally unrelated, and sliding my foot onto his lap.  It’s priceless to do this when the wait staff are present and taking his order.  To watch his face redden, to see him squirm a bit.. and best of all to feel his body respond… yum.

It’s also lovely to be sitting at home watching a movie, having told him he is frozen and may not move, and finding myself caressing him in this manner.  It’s a test really… how long can I concentrate on the movie when I feel him harden and hear his breathing quicken?

Saturday Evening – Tease and Denial Delayed…

Saturday, December 13th, 2008

Can you see what’s reflected in her eye?

It’s been a busy day.  Earlier I had to go to the market as Bill wasn’t feeling up to it and we needed some things.  If it hadn’t been for this really nice older man in the check-out line in front of me I’m not sure I would have made it out of the store without fainting.  I must have looked a bit pale and shaky because he took one look at me and began unloading the items from my cart onto the checkout lane.  After, he bagged my groceries, carried them out, and put them in the car.  He even offered to follow me home and take them in the house, but he said he was aware that could feel a little creepy for me since he was a stranger.  It was nice of him to help and to extend that offer, but I told him Bill would be able to assist me when I made it home.

He looked at me for a moment (apparently still concerned at what he saw), and asked permission to at least  follow me to make sure I got home alright.  He remarked that maybe since Bill was there I would feel less uncomfortable allowing him to do at least that much.  Since I was really feeling ill by then and he looked like a nice enough man, (hmm.. although…Ted Bundy looked nice, didn’t he?), I agreed.  I felt well enough to drive or I wouldn’t have, but I admit it was a nice feeling knowing I wasn’t “alone”.  Besides, I figured he could follow me anyway so why not be gracious.  On the way home I called Bill and he was waiting for me when I pulled up.  It turned out this man was an acquaintance of his.  Small world, huh?  Some say that there aren’t many nice people around any more, but this man was truly kind for no other reason than to be kind.  I love that.

I’d planned today to write something more on tease and denial, but that will have to wait til another day.  I’m not really even sure if any of you would be interested in reading about being bound, perhaps with your own tie, and then teased with long, sexy fingers or a nice warm tongue until you’re pleading… willing to do *anything*… feeling as if there is nothing left in the world but the pleasure of being controlled…

I’ll just have to write about that another time.

There was one thing I wanted to ask.  If you were to mention two of your most favorite sounds in the world, what would yours be?  My first would be a child’s laughter, but since I don’t have children, I thought “a man pleading…. desparately pleading..”  and “his sharp intake of breath when he knows I have him exactly where I want him” would be two sounds that top my list.

Simple Dominance: Orgasm Control, Tease and Denial

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

Recently Jake asked,

Do you think you could give more examples of what you do when you dominate? I’m not trying to get personal I only want something that my wife could get ideas from.

I’m always hesitant about responding to things like this because I don’t want to give advice.  What works for me works for me; it won’t necessarily work for someone else.  What I do with one person might not be the same thing I would do with another.  It’s about knowing your audience and yourself, isn’t it? :)

With that caveat, I don’t mind talking about a few things that have been effective for me with the thought that it might stir ideas for someone else.

One of the things that pushes so many submissive men’s buttons is orgasm control.  There are many ways to achieve this.  Some are simple.  Some are very.. shall we say… long term.  Quite often I find that I really enjoy a brief period of tease and denial.  It’s very sexy for him and for me.

Text messaging and email are great tools for teasing and giving instructions.  The messages don’t have to be complex – in fact, they can be quite simple.  Much of it is in the timing.  My friend John is sharing a meal with his friends as I write this.  He knows how playful I like to be in public places and how I enjoy seeing a man squirm a bit from excitement.  I just sent a text message to him saying,

Wouldn’t it be exciting if I were sitting beside you?  The whole time you would be wondering if and when my hand would drop down to my lap and then move to touch you.

I can just imagine how he reacted when he read it.  Miles away, yet controlled.  He won’t be able to get that out of his mind for the rest of the meal.  Simple, yet hot (at least to me – I love teasing.)

Emails offer the opportunity for more detailed teasing and directions.

Subject:  Read This Email When You Are At Home

Dearest pet,

When you receive this email I want you to stop everything, go into the bedroom, and take off all your clothes.  No, don’t do it hurriedly. Slowly, my pet – as if you were stripping for me.

Once you’re naked, kneel beside your bed for me.  You know how much I love it when you are naked and kneeling.  Mmm.

Begin stroking, slowly teasing.  Tease yourself as I would.  As you do as I have requested, think of me.  My hand controlling you, my hand teasing you, my hand bringing you all the way to the edge.  Slowing down again, then bringing yourself to the edge once more.  Three times to the edge.  No more, no less.

Then stop.

You didn’t think I would allow you to release today, did you? :)

I merely wanted a nice little tease session.  Something for me to think about while I’m busy working.  You know how much I will enjoy this, don’t you?  How my body will react..  just as it always does when I think of how much I enjoy controlling you.

You can do this for me, can’t you?   Yes, of course you can.

Soft kisses,
Lady Julia

This one I’ll save for a friend who is ill right now. When he’s feeling a bit better, I’ll send it to him. Of course, he reads my blog and he knows this will be arriving. He’s just not sure when. I’m sure the anticipation will be quite pleasant…

Foreplay is Overrated

Friday, November 14th, 2008

From the

Foreplay may be overrated according to a survey based on 2,300 women, which found that it has little or no significance when it comes to the likelihood of having an orgasm.

And Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real.  Puhlease.

The duration of intercourse – 16.2 minutes on average – is the clincher, according to the research. The findings suggest that sex therapists, who emphasise the value of foreplay, may have that been getting it wrong.

“In contrast to the assumptions of many sex therapists and educators, more attention should be given to improve the quality and duration of intercourse rather than foreplay,” say Professor Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland, and Professor Peter Weiss, from Charles University, Prague.

Or.. how about attention should be given to BOTH foreplay AND intercourse?

Maybe I’m strange but I can’t separate foreplay and sex. Nor can I time either of them. Sometimes foreplay can last for days if you’re inventive, especially if you are an inventive Domme.  When it does, sex will be hot and multi-orgasmic.  Will it last longer than the “average”?  Who can say how long actual intercourse lasts?  If I’m having an orgasmically-good time, I’m not going to be looking at the clock.  I’m sure the time will seem to pass quickly – it flies when you’re having fun, right?

The researchers looked at frequency of orgasm in the women, and foreplay and intercourse data. They concluded the links with foreplay were insignificant. Instead they suggest that the longer intercourse lasts, the greater the probability of orgasm for the women.

Yes, of course the longer the intercourse lasts, the greater the probability of orgasm for women. That’s pretty much a no-brainer, isn’t it? That said, how often are women “ready” for 16.2 minutes of sex without foreplay? Foreplay can never be overrated because it’s an integral component of sex.

At least, that is the case for me.

It might begin with a text message at 10am on Monday.  “Go to the restroom as soon as you can and tease til you almost come.  Then stop.  Remember who controls your cock.”

That night, he pleasures me with his tongue until my body shudders in complete release.  Again.  And again.  He is denied.

On Tuesday morning when I catch him gazing at my body as I lotion it, I smile because it’s clear he cannot pull his eyes away.  “Begin touching yourself and don’t stop until I finish.  No, you may not come.  Remember who owns your cock.”  I smooth the lotion onto my arms, my thighs, my breasts, then finish by bringing myself to climax as he watches.

On Wednesday evening at dinner, I sit beside him in the restaurant.  The tablecloth covers his lap – something for which he is truly grateful.  “Unzip your pants and pull out MY cock.”  I touch and tease til he is almost begging.  He’s not sure if he’s begging not to come right there in the restaurant – or to come.  He desperately wants both.

I adore tease and denial.

That night he strips for me – slowly.  On my command he touches his body and teases himself til he’s right on the edge.  “Stop.”  His look of disbelief both amuses and excites me.  Tonight I orgasm as his fingers probe and caress.

Thursday evening he prepares and serves dinner dressed only in a tuxedo jacket and tie.  He stands obediently beside me so that I can periodically caress his behind.  “I’m so wet now, my sexy pet.  Caressing your bottom always excites me.  Tonight – tonight I will use my cock until I come.  Perhaps if I am well and truly pleased, I will allow you to come as well.”

After dinner, he draws a bath, slowly undresses me, and steadies me with his outstretched hand as I step into the tub.  Candles, soft music, and champagne offer a bit of romance.  He strips when told and kneels, waiting.

My hands caress my body for a moment as I watch him – naked, kneeling, hard – all for me.

He soaps his hands when told and runs them over my body, washing every inch of my arms, legs, and torso.  As he finishes, I nod and his hand slips down between my thighs and he caresses my clit.  Soon moans of pleasure and desire fill the room.

I’m ready.  “Rinse and dry my body, pet.”

He obeys.

I reach to the counter and pick up the leash for his cock collar.  Snap. Leading him to the bedroom has never been more exciting.


Yes.. definitely overrated.