Recently, both here and on his blog “She Deserves My Very Best“, Rex has been discussing the ups and downs of his Wive Led Marriage.
He remarked,
Some have suggested I don’t know what my wife wants. O’contrare. I know but I far too often don’t deliver it. I take full responsibility, but why when a man suggests he enjoys being motivated by the sexual component of WLM does he get branded as “topping from the bottom”? Guilty as charged I guess. I genuinely enjoy serving and pleasuring her much more than seeking my own pleasure. I thought that was the definition of being submissive. Why is it that to some the idea that there is something “in it for us” makes our experience somehow not valid or less than honest?
I think that’s a valid question.
It’s easy to say, “accept whatever she gives without asking for more”, but I consider that difficult if there is a great imbalance in the amount of attention each receives. It’s wonderful for a Lady’s partner to actively seek to please her. I feel I am within my right as the Domme to expect that. However, I can’t see any attempts at Femdom lasting if I don’t reciprocate. Yes, the “how and what I do” is my decision, but I cannot forget he needs attention as well. In order to help make sure this process doesn’t fail and that he isn’t topping from the bottom, he has to be realistic, avoid getting carried away with wanting more and more, and accepting that I’ll choose the way.
A periodic review regarding how the relationship is progressing, what each needs and wants, etc. seems important to me. Sometimes people consider any feedback from the submissive to be topping, but I don’t consider that to always be the case. If he has surrendered control, that infers a great deal of trust that I will be concerned about his needs as well as mine. In order for me to do that, I have to know what they are. I don’t consider it to be topping if he shares in an open, honest, non-manipulating, non-pressuring manner. If he is manipulating or pressuring, I need to call him on it.
There are some that profess Femdom is easy, that it takes little to no effort on the part of a Real Domme.* I believe it takes effort on both sides to make any relationship work. Each party has their own rights and responsibilities, their own needs and expectations. I believe ignoring those principles will at a minimum result in two very unhappy people and could well lead to the failure of the relationship.
As always, this is my point of view, a point of view that I know is not shared by everyone in the Femdom, FLR communities. That’s ok, as always, your mileage may vary.
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*The term “Real Domme” is a registered trademark of the One True Way Society. All rights reserved.
