There’s something exquisite about knowing that a man is mine. Mine to touch, to tease, to deny, to love. Controlling his desire, his thoughts, his body, his urgency to surrender. Whenever I wish just one look sends him to his knees. Mmm.. so exquisite. Once he’s on his knees, desperate, pleading, knowing he will give me anything, do anything, be anything that I want.
Loving that he trusts me not to abuse all that.
After what seems like forever I’m writing and recording hypnosis sessions again. It feels strange because I haven’t recorded in so long. I listen, hear all the imperfections, and think, “How did I ever find a version in the past that I felt comfortable releasing?”
I finished one session this morning and sent the link to a couple of people. After their feedback, I may make some modifications, re-record, and then release it to a few more people for evaluation. I’m just not sure about this one because it is quite a bit more erotic than the ones I usually do. We’ll see.
Since I’m determined to release one before Christmas I’m writing another session today and hopefully will record it this evening or tomorrow. Either way, I’m going to be busy for the next several days so if I am quiet, don’t worry. I’m not off sitting sadly in a corner wiping away tears; I’m done with that. It’s time to pick up the things I love doing and go forward.
Let’s see now, where was I with that script… Oh yes – left nipple, deeper and deeper. Right nipple, more and more aroused…
Have you decorated for Christmas yet? I’m still looking for the guys in the photo above to finish mine!
I have been wondering if perhaps I’ve held onto this tush thing long enough and should perhaps expand my photographic pleasures. After all, there are so many different areas of the body on which to focus..
Now.. none of you enjoy the legs of a beautiful woman, do you? ;) I was looking for a nice photo of a man’s legs, but didn’t come across one (hint hint).
Have to love a man’s hands – the strength, the tenderness, the sensuality.. all in one.
Throats. Yum. Made for soft lips to caress and tease. That quick swallowing you can feel when your lips hit just the right spot…
Sometimes it’s not what you can see… it’s about what tempts you. His eyes, hidden for the moment. That tie, begging to be used for binding his hands, that shirt… oh yes.. unbuttoning each button slowly like opening a present, kissing each newly exposed area of flesh… (I know, I’ve said that several times before but hey, I like opening presents – what can I say?)
I realize that the photos that I use here are almost always of perfect bodies and always of people in their 20s-30s. I can see in many ways that sends a message that only the young and perfect are attractive when nothing could be farther than the truth.
Some of the sexiest men I know are a little bit heavy. Some not so muscular. Some are older. Some quite a bit older than me. It doesn’t matter. What matters is how relaxed they are with themselves, how much they appreciate life, how intelligent they are, how articulate they are, how funny and sweet. It’s a pity that those things aren’t so easily portrayed via a photo.
I’ll end with a shot that I think is uber sexy. I will not publish one bad word about this photo so if you don’t like it, keep your thoughts to yourself. I love this image because it’s obvious this guy has some confidence, a good sense of humor, and a high tolerance for cold ;) If I knew who this guy was, I’d invite him home for something warm to drink and a hopefully equally warming conversation.
I’ve always liked Christmas. The music, the nativity story, the decorations, the big tree, spending time with people I love – all of it. Not so much the gifts. Oh I like giving them, but receiving them isn’t a really big deal. I’m not a “things” sort of person. It’s the experience that means a lot to me. Watching my nieces and nephews opening their toys, catching a peek of my dad kissing my mom on the back of the neck as he reached around her to swipe a bit of the turkey she was carving, holding close the person I love and whispering that they are the gift for which I am most grateful.
This year it’s different. My father is gone and I miss him so much. Even though we didn’t get along very well and even though I always felt I was a big disappointment to him, I loved him and I feel as if there is a big void that no one else can ever fill. Additionally my relationship ended a few months ago and we don’t even seem to have the friendship left. While my love for him was quite deep and the romantic relationship pretty wonderful, I miss his friendship the most. I wrote out Christmas cards this morning and sat for a long time trying to decide if I should send him one and if I did, what to say. I finally wrote something, addressed and stamped it, stuck it out in the mailbox, and firmly shut the door. Two hours later, after so many misgivings that perhaps a card would only serve to hurt him a little more, I raced out to see if the postman had picked it up. He hadn’t, so I retrieved, tore it into little pieces, and cried.
This probably sounds like a whiny-little-feel-sorry-for-myself post and maybe in some ways it is, but mostly I was just thinking that in spite of everything, I still like Christmas and I want to feel good about it this year. Yes, there are people who are sad every Christmas and I really feel for their pain. Christmas is a lonely time for so many. But – it’s a time of joy for so many more. I can understand all the grumpy, I-hate-Christmas-and-so-should-everyone-else folks. I just don’t want to be one of them. I’m hoping that an awareness that I could become that way (and a desire not to) will help keep me from veering down that path.
I know awareness isn’t enough, so it’s time for action. Let’s see… It’s a Wonderful Life – check (I don’t care if someone gags when they read that – it’s my favorite Christmas movie), sexy Christmas red nightie – check, Christmas candles, a drink in a beautiful stemmed glass, and chocolate – check, check, check. OK, I’m ready. Perhaps not tonight because I’m still not well, but one night soon I’m going to dress to feel good (a.k.a sexy – I know, sexy and “It’s a Wonderful Life” don’t really go together in most people’s worlds, do they? – smiles), crawl under the quilts, watch that movie, and enjoy some of my favorite things.
They say happiness is a choice. I don’t know if that’s wholly true, but I’m going to give it a try.
From Elle’s “About” page,
Hello and welcome to my blog! Who am I? I’m the girl next door, a nice girl, as normal as they get. About a year ago, I met a kinky boy. We’ll call him Boy Toy. Boy Toy’s been involved in the fetish scene, and he’s been in what some might call pretty fucked up relationships. He’s been spanked, gagged, tied, had his cock locked up, you name it. And he loved it.
Me? You could call me Miss Vanilla. Of course, this has changed in the last year, thanks to my Boy Toy.
So I thought I’d share some of my journey. Ok, I won’t pretend I’m the queen of kink or something. Some of you, when reading me, will think “pffff… that’s nothing!” However, considering where I was a year ago, I’ve come far. And many things occurred to me along the way.
I want to share some of these things with you. Sometimes it’ll be about a new idea I had or a toy I want to try. Sometimes it will be some of my thoughts in a certain situation. I might ask for your input. Whatever, anything goes. It’s my blog, after all. But one thing I do know, is that I want other “regular folks” like me to realize that there ain’t nothing wrong with all this dirty stuff. It’s quite fun, actually, and why the hell should we waste our lives worrying about what others think anyway? Let’s all be open to sexy adventures… Let’s unleash our kinky side. It’ll be our little secret ;)
As promised in her opening remarks, among the pages of Kink Unleashed you’ll discover an intimate portrait of a young woman’s journey into female dominance. It’s a story she tells with the refreshing honesty of someone who isn’t out to prove that she’s perfect – just in love and working toward doing things they both enjoy.
For those who have an interest in hypnotic domination, you may especially enjoy reading of Elle’s experiences with using this technique on her Boy Toy. She began speaking of it in late November and has mentioned their progress on a couple of occasions.
Can you see what’s reflected in her eye?
It’s been a busy day. Earlier I had to go to the market as Bill wasn’t feeling up to it and we needed some things. If it hadn’t been for this really nice older man in the check-out line in front of me I’m not sure I would have made it out of the store without fainting. I must have looked a bit pale and shaky because he took one look at me and began unloading the items from my cart onto the checkout lane. After, he bagged my groceries, carried them out, and put them in the car. He even offered to follow me home and take them in the house, but he said he was aware that could feel a little creepy for me since he was a stranger. It was nice of him to help and to extend that offer, but I told him Bill would be able to assist me when I made it home.
He looked at me for a moment (apparently still concerned at what he saw), and asked permission to at least follow me to make sure I got home alright. He remarked that maybe since Bill was there I would feel less uncomfortable allowing him to do at least that much. Since I was really feeling ill by then and he looked like a nice enough man, (hmm.. although…Ted Bundy looked nice, didn’t he?), I agreed. I felt well enough to drive or I wouldn’t have, but I admit it was a nice feeling knowing I wasn’t “alone”. Besides, I figured he could follow me anyway so why not be gracious. On the way home I called Bill and he was waiting for me when I pulled up. It turned out this man was an acquaintance of his. Small world, huh? Some say that there aren’t many nice people around any more, but this man was truly kind for no other reason than to be kind. I love that.
I’d planned today to write something more on tease and denial, but that will have to wait til another day. I’m not really even sure if any of you would be interested in reading about being bound, perhaps with your own tie, and then teased with long, sexy fingers or a nice warm tongue until you’re pleading… willing to do *anything*… feeling as if there is nothing left in the world but the pleasure of being controlled…
I’ll just have to write about that another time.
There was one thing I wanted to ask. If you were to mention two of your most favorite sounds in the world, what would yours be? My first would be a child’s laughter, but since I don’t have children, I thought “a man pleading…. desparately pleading..” and “his sharp intake of breath when he knows I have him exactly where I want him” would be two sounds that top my list.
In response to my post Such a Good Boy, Will remarked:
At home and at work, I respond better to praise than to criticism.
While constructive criticism can sometimes be useful, most criticism I see day-in and day-out is of the destructive nature. I think such criticism tend to hurt relationships more than help.
On the other hand, I think praise tend to help a relationship (of course, I just remembered an exception – any individual who believe s/he is God’s gift to the world) instead of hurt it.
Will, I very much agree with you and your very good point about constructive criticism. Unfortunately since none of us are perfect, we all sometimes need to hear when we could be doing a better job or when things are not quite so perfect for our partner. Sometimes we need to hear about it when we really flub up. (Except me of course, being a perfect Domme and all ;)
I learned a model a long time ago in a management class that’s served me well. Praise, constructive criticism, praise.
Before I ever approach someone to offer constructive criticism, I try to make sure I know my audience. This means knowing how sensitive they are, how receptive they will be, what words appear less threatening, and when the timing is right to approach them. When we’re ready, I can begin (with *honest* words) the “offer praise, offer constructive criticism, complete with praise” approach.*
A couple of examples might be:
“I really appreciate your attempts to do ______. You did a nice job with this aspect and this aspect and I especially appreciated that you responded as quickly as you did. I would like to ask that you take a look at this one thing because there is room for improvement there. Let’s discuss our ideas on how things can improve. When you make these adjustments I believe you’ll come closer to meeting my expectations and yours as well. I know you can do this because you’re bright, you are very diligent when it comes to tasks I ask for you to complete, ..”, etc.
“You are a very responsible, intelligent person. Those are only a couple of the reasons I love being your dominant lady. With this one task, you’ve fallen short. Let’s talk about why and what needs to happen to make certain you complete it to my satisfaction. It’s not at all like you to fail to do as I ask/ to do things like this. You’re intelligent, able to accomplish so many things, and I know you want to please me.”
This sounds all pollyanna sunshiney, but it does usually work for me when managing others and it can work within a femdom relationship. I just adjust it a bit :)
–
*I’m not a relationship coach. This shouldn’t be construed as a magic bullet as so many variables play into any interaction. I’m simply relating what works for me.
~ Lady Julia
I’ve been a bit under the weather this week. What initially appeared to be a cold has turned in to a bit more so I’ve not been up to doing as much as I’d hoped. Because of this I’m doing triage :) As my time permits – blog, then private emails, then groups. I haven’t been returning most phone calls because I haven’t felt much like talking. Besides… this cough is oh so sexy (not).
So.. long story short, I’ll get to you :) Promise.
There are a couple of small things I wanted to share because they’ve been mentioned here on my blog.
I mentioned texting my friend John with a sexy comment or two earlier in the week while he was dining out with friends. Note to self – maybe getting a man suddenly all excited during dinner isn’t the best idea as he could briefly choke on a piece of curry. He survived, thank goodness, and continues to be his very sweet self. (He’s one of the main contributors of the photos that appear on my blog – good eye, huh?) He’s always doing extremely nice things for me, even just watching movies with me when I don’t feel like talking.
David, after being challenged by Robert to determine the identity of my favorite dessert, called me the other day and asked, which do you want this afternoon – Raspberry Mousse Cheesecake from Olive Garden, Strawberry Cheesecake Blizzard, or chocolate dipped strawberries? I’m not sure how many blog entries he had to go through to unearth the Blizzard thing, but it had to be quite a few. I was impressed.
Bill’s been doing better the last few days. I don’t post about Bill as much as I did – shame on me. He’s a dear to me all the time. Today he’s been bossing me about (he’s my employer so I suppose I’ll permit that from time to time), bringing juice to me, running out to buy hot chicken soup and tissues, and generally fussing over me. Yes, if you’re thinking I’m supposed to be *his* nurse, you’re right.
My friend the doctor has been taking care of me as well. He’s my “is this doctor here doing it right” check person. And he nags a bit too, but that’s ok – if anyone knows nurses need to be … encouraged… it would be doctors. If it weren’t for him, I think I’d be far more ill now than I am. Now if I can only convince him he needs to listen to this nurse about his probably-most-likely-but-never-yet-to-be-xrayed broken ankle, things would be much better. I think I’ve discovered Dommes get a whole lot farther with physicians than nurses do ;)
I miss talking to several of you – you know who you are. And I miss teasing you. Wow when I get better will your voice mails and text messages sizzle. Oh and those of you who bought that cling wrap for me will finally get to find out what I want you to do with it ;)
Soft kisses,
Lady Julia
Pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85.
The lovely lady Dee at Sexy Whispers has written an interesting post on female/male communication. I thought she was dead on target when she mentioned:
PRAISE! Women so often point out the flaws and the malfunctions of a man. When he does the right thing…not matter how small…acknowledge it big!!
I couldn’t agree more. A long time ago I realized how quick people were to express negative things and how stingy many are with praise. So I made it my resolve that if I think something nice about someone, I say it. I don’t always succeed, but when I do I am so glad. The reaction I receive is sometimes really surprising. Many people just aren’t used to it, especially those in retail/service. Sometimes they look at me suspiciously as if I am wanting something. Some men are the same way ;)
With regard to femdom relationships, I think having praise flowing both ways is really important – especially when it’s a new relationship or in cases when the interaction has shifted to being a female led one. I think many women need praise as much as men do and they need it on a regular basis. It builds confidence in our actions, makes us feel sexy, and lets us know we’re valued. I think I mentioned in a previous post, just because you told us once four years ago that you appreciated something we did, they way we are, the way we look, etc – that doesn’t mean we don’t ever need to hear it again.
It’s great to hear, “I loved it when you…”, “It was so sexy when you..”, “When you said … it made me realize how much in control you really are.” Anything like that is a reinforcer to a dominant lady that what she is saying or doing is working.
So many submissive men really seem to thrive on praise. “You’re such a good boy…”, (no, not every man likes that phrase but something similar works), “it turned me on so much when you…”, “you responded so well to my control when you…”, “when you did… I knew I well and truly had control of your body and your mind”. If there is one thing I consistently hear men in female led relationships bemoan, it’s the fact that they don’t get nearly the amount of verbal feedback they need. They need to hear they’re doing it right, that we like it, and that oh yes most certainly we are in control.
Praising isn’t always an instinctive thing. Actually, most people have to consciously work at this. Even though it requires a bit of mental energy, the rewards for the relationship and the individuals (femdom or vanilla) are huge. We see not only the relationship grow, but outselves as individuals because people who feel appreciated are happier, more loyal, and more fulfilled.
