Lady Julia’s Entranced Realm

Whether I’ve been in a relationship a while or I’m just getting to know someone, I’ve found the small things they do really touch me and capture my attention.  Big gestures are nice, but when he consistently does little things for me, he’s showing me I’m important enough to him to make a consistent effort.

When I meet someone and am just getting to know him, I’m impressed when he opens the door for me or when he notices what I’m wearing.  I don’t spend hours getting ready before I go places, but I do take time to look nice so his comments are appreciated.  If I mentioned something the last time we spoke and he brings up the subject the next time, showing that he has taken an interest and is better informed than before, I’m not just impressed, I’m a little turned on.  I know that is probably weird, but intellect and initiative are very appealing to me.

When we’ve been together for awhile, I know it takes more effort to do the little things.  It’s easy to get in a rut and forget all about the wooing :)   Not too long ago, I mentioned I really liked a particular song and this very sweet friend went searching for it.  He couldn’t find the single MP3 to buy, so he purchased an entire cd so that he could send that song to me.  I hadn’t even said anything about wanting the single but he wanted to get it for me anyway.  That touched me so much.

Little notes in the bathroom.  Text messages that say “I can’t stop thinking about our talk last night”.  Taking my car and filling it up with gas so I don’t have to get that icky gas smell on my hands.  A handwritten letter that includes a poem by my favorite poet.  Even better, quoting one of my favorite poems to me.  Sending links to funny things from the internet when I’ve been sad.  Stopping at the supermarket and picking up an inexpensive bouquet of flowers.  Renting one of my favorite romantic movies and watching it with me.  Playing chess with me and not getting tense if I accidentally beat him.  Washing my car when a bird uses it for target practice (I would almost marry someone for doing that) ;)

A man who gives wooing a little thought, time, and effort can be very pleasing and pleasing can feel so very good ;)

Since it’s really easy for things to get buried in a blog, I wanted to post a reminder about my survey.  It will only take a few moments to complete and it’s information I’d really like to know.  I write a lot about my feelings and experiences here.  I’m hoping you will understand that I’m curious – I want to have at least a little idea of who is out there reading and what you’re thinking.

I’ve had this photo forever and every time I look at it I think about all the things I’d do to him even before we got home and especially after.

Earlier this week I was sharing with a friend about this need I have to hear what my partner is thinking and feeling about me and the things we do.   I don’t need to hear it all the time – I’m not neurotic – but every now and then I need to hear “I love you”, “you’re sexy”, “you’re beautiful”, “I love it when you ____”.

He remarked that for some men this was a difficult thing to remember because they aren’t as into hearing about the emotional things as women are and they’re more practical.  “If we say it once, we think that should be enough.  If it changes, we’ll let you know.”

For many women someone sharing their feelings is a part of the wooing process.  It’s not enough that once, way back in 2001 you told us that you love us.  It’s not enough that other people express that they consider us sexy and/or beautiful.  If we’re in a relationship with you, we want to hear *you* say it.

And

not

just

when

you

want

sex.

Or a scene.

Or lunch. :)

At the beginning of a relationship I believe hearing what someone is thinking is even more important.  It’s a delicate balance then, to be sure.   Timing is everything.  If we’re just sitting there talking for the first or second time and he looks at me with his tongue hanging out and announces, “Damn girl!  You’re sexy!”  It’s probably a little much ;)    (Don’t laugh – I’ve had that happen.   Well, his tongue wasn’t exactly hanging out but that’s a direct quote.)  If on the other hand I have just finished telling a man about something daring and sexy that I’ve done, it’s probably a really good time for him to tell him that he thinks I’m sexy if he does.

It’s difficult to know when it’s ok to share your thoughts.  Most fear rejection or being misunderstood.   Don’t rush into it, but watch for the signs.   Pay attention to her body language, her voice tone, what she is saying.  Eventually you can tell when she’s relaxed enough that you can share the more wooing types of feelings.  Til then, if you think she’s intelligent – tell her.  If you think she’s funny, let her know.  I think most people respond to hearing that someone finds any part of their personality or intellect attractive.  I find physical compliments are acceptable earlier on too if they’re not overly sexual.  I love it when someone tells me I have beautiful eyes or a nice smile even if I don’t know them at all.

I’ll add that I am aware that there is a whole other school of thought on this.   “Be disinterested and they’ll be more interested in you.”  For me, that’s bunk.  If you appear disinterested, my mind says “Next!”  I’d be interested in knowing if any of you have had experience with feigned disinterest being an effective thing to do and how you would feel if someone behaved that way toward you.