Archive for June, 2009
Terrific Tush Tuesday
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009Goodbye Again and Again
Monday, June 15th, 2009
My first relationship after my divorce was amazing – hot, wild, passionate, loving. So many of the things I had not felt or done during the lonely, difficult years of my marriage I shared with him. To say I loved him would have been understating the extent of my feelings.
We met on a penpal website – he from London, me from the Southern US. Things progressed, we met in person, fell in love, and spent as much of each year together here as the government would allow. Since his work could be done almost completely via the internet or phone, it didn’t matter where he worked, so why not here? Eventually our relationship grew to the extent that we began to tentatively discuss marriage. Since every time he went home our hearts broke a bit, we realized how crazy it was to keep doing that to ourselves when he could apply to stay here permanently if we were married.
In the midst of researching his immigration options, he began having some physical problems. A trip to his physician led to some horrible news – he had cancer. When he told me I was heartbroken, but I thought – we can fight this. Since his health insurance was through the British National Health Service, it would have meant me moving to the UK but that was something at the time that I was more than willing to do. To my dismay he didn’t agree with my plan. On his last visit here, he told me he couldn’t allow me to sacrifice my life with my family, friends, and career to take care of a dying man and, even though all throughout our relationship he had always been more than happy to let me lead, he was insistent on this issue. We said our goodbyes and he left.
Having someone know you so well that they can anticipate your every move is not a good thing in situations like this – he knew as soon as his plane left the ground I would begin making plans to follow. He called when he arrived home to let me know he was safe and that was the last time I spoke with him. He discontinued his phone service and apparently moved soon after with no forwarding address.
I spent months – long, long months – with my heart shattered. I cried every day for so many weeks that the season changed more than once. It wasn’t just the loss of a love – it was the not knowing. Was he OK? Was he even still alive? After several years with no word, I assumed he had passed away.
A while back my phone rang and with a “Hello My Love” he re-entered my life. It seems he’s in remission and has been for some time now. Since he has a good chance of going on to lead a fairly normal life, he felt it was safe and reasonable to contact me again.
I was relieved. I was angry. And.. for some reason I felt some of the heartbreak all over again. How could he have gone all that time without letting me know he was OK? How could it hurt so much when I know I have moved on?
After speaking with him for awhile, I told him I didn’t want to become involved with him again. I understood his reason for ending our relationship, but I really couldn’t accept that he thought it was reasonable for him to make such a drastic decision about my life even if he did think he was doing what was best for me. Surely I was capable of deciding if giving up my life here was something I was prepared to do. After all, it wasn’t as if a nurse was not aware of what lay ahead for him and for the person caring for him.
Once more I told him goodbye.
He’s called me a number of times since, almost always getting my voice mail because the identity of the person phoning me was withheld. A couple of times I answered without realizing who it was, but the conversations were extremely brief. I want to be left alone.
Today yet another “name withheld” call came through and once again I let it roll over to voice mail. When I finally listened, I heard his voice telling me he was here – not just here in the US, but here in my town. He had to fly to a city nearby on business and now that his business is concluded, he wants to see me.
For what I hope is the final time, I told him no. Hopefully he will accept that and move on. He doesn’t know where I live now, but he has visited with my family a number of times when we were together and could easily show up at my mother’s home if he was so inclined. He’s promised he wouldn’t and has reassured me the next step was mine. “I’ll be in town a week. I couldn’t give up without at least trying – surely you cannot blame me for that.”
In the movies situations like this would be accompanied by soft, romantic music. He’d walk up to me, sweep me in his arms and I would melt into him. In real life I sit alone in a darkened room, tears rolling down my cheeks, trying in vain to push away the pain.
Confessions… In the Library
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
“May I help you, Sir?” I smiled sweetly.
“Um, no, uh…no.. it’s ok. I think I can find what I am looking for.” His handsome face flushed the brightest shade of red.
“Now, you wouldn’t want to make me look bad to my boss, would you? See him over there sitting at the entrance to the Reference Department? I know he’s staring because he’s been watching me most of the day.”
“Well, uh no, I uh.. well I mean… I see why he’s been watching you.”
“Oh?” I teased softly, my hand just barely brushing against his as it rested on the card catalog.
“It’s your legs. They’re magnificent.”
I coughed softly in a vain attempt to hide a smile. Apparently what I took as a general shyness must have been embarrassment over the topic of his search. “Thank you. It’s always lovely to be appreciated. Now, tell me, what are you researching and I’ll help you find the books. Even though this is a volunteer job, I take my responsibilities very seriously.”
“Well, uh… I… I was wanting to find the books about fetish sexuality. Could you show me the general area where they are stored?” I was impressed he didn’t add, “They’re for a friend.”
“Let me see…” I bent slightly over the card catalog, allowing my hip to “accidentally” brush against his thigh.
It was his turn to cough – a failed attempt to mask a small gasp of excitement.
“Follow me. They’re right over here.” Without looking back, I entered the stacks and walked straight to the sexuality section. I admit, my hips may have swayed a bit more than usual, but it was purely to distract him from his embarrassment ;)
“These are the sexuality books, and down here is the fetish subsection. What in particular is your fetish?” Calm. Direct. I knew I was leaving no room for him to evade the question.
His glance dropped for just a moment and then, as if he had found some sort of inner resolve, his gaze met mine and did not waver again. “Female domination.”
“Ah, I see. You’re submissive.” Again calm and direct.
“I don’t know, I -”
“May I have your attention please. The library is closing in fifteen minutes. Please check your materials out now,” came a male voice over the loudspeaker.
“Don’t let that announcement distract you,” I directed. “Finish responding.”
His eyes widened at my there-will-be-no-argument tone. “I think I may be. I don’t understand much about it.”
“I see. What did you want to know?”
“Well, everything. I am not sure – ”
“Why don’t you kneel there by the stack. No one but me will know you’re kneeling because I asked you to. They’ll just assume you are looking for a book. Kneel, and continue answering.”
“I -” he looked around hesitantly.
“Kneel.” My rosy-tipped hand brushed his cheek as he dropped to his knees. “Continue.”
“Well like I say I am not sure what I want to know. I read some stories about female domination on the internet but they all seemed so fantasy-driven that I thought I would see if I could find something more fact oriented.”
I was impressed. Not only had he spoken without stuttering, but he didn’t seem too terribly embarrassed by the obvious hardness of his cock. “Give me an example of something you read that seems to be wholly a fantasy.”
“Well, I would have said a man kneeling in front of a powerful woman he had only just met, but…”
Handsome, articulate (when not flustered), and funny.
“Humiliation. Why would anyone find being humiliated a sexual turn-on? That seems pretty unbelievable. I don’t even know how anyone could possibly be humiliated and excited at the same time.”
“Yet, you were embarrassed and at the same time a little excited when you admitted the subject of your search.”
“Yes, but humiliation and mild embarrassment are hardly the same thing.”
“They’re shades of the same thing.” I paused, then added, “Be a good boy and fetch that stool over there.”
Even though he looked a bit puzzled, he jumped to his feet, moved the step stool beside me, then dropped back down to his knees. I glanced at the stool and then expectantly at him. Immediately he offered his hand to steady me as I stepped up.
“Very good. Now bend forward and press your lips against my shoe. Slowly. There are still a few people left in the building and we wouldn’t want them to miss anything should they happen by.”
His face flushed again but he obeyed.
“Don’t pull away. My ankle is lacking in attention.”
His lips moved upward.
I paused to wonder if he’d noticed my panty-less state before laughing inwardly. Of course he had! “Kiss upward a little more. Perhaps I’ll allow you high enough to taste the warm, sweet, wetness your attention is creating.”
This time he made no effort to hide his sharp intake of breath.
“I’m sorry but the library is clos-” my boss’ words froze on his lips as he realized who and what he had stumbled upon when rounding the corner.
“Don’t move”, I directed the man on his knees. “I really must ask your name. Here you are, down on your knees for me, and I don’t even know your name!”, my playful laughter teasing him as much as my words.
“What is going on here?”
“It’s quite simple, Mr. Smith. I’m offering a lesson in the joys of humiliation. This gentleman didn’t understand, but in a few short moments, he’s found clarity. Even if he wanted to deny it, which he doesn’t, his body couldn’t lie.”
“This is outrageous! I -”
“Stop, Mr. Smith. Drop down on your knees beside me.” Calm. Direct. “I know you want to. You’ve been thinking of nothing else since you I told you this morning that I understood the appeal of being the boss – that being in charged was quite exhilarating for me in my private life.”
Smith offered no further resistance.
“Now.. what to do with two handsome men kneeling for me.”
“Excuse me, but the library is closed. You -” another voice interrupted.
I couldn’t help smiling. It promised to be a very interesting evening.
~~~
This time for “Confessions”, I’ve chosen one of my long-standing fantasies – sex in the library – and added a bit of a twist. Quite a bit of this falls in the “I would never do that” category, but it’s really nice to ponder :)
“Confessions” is a simple little game. Consider the photo. Does it stir memories? If not, surely it stirs a fantasy or two. I’ll share mine and of course, you’ll share yours. Now… I’d be more pleased if you shared a few details, but I will settle for “did it”, “want to do it”, “don’t have the nerve to do it but dream about it”, “seriously I would never do that”,, etc.
Just so you understand that I’d receive the most pleasure from reading the details…
Still Thinking of You…
Saturday, June 13th, 2009
I’m really busy having fun at the moment, but I’ll be writing more soon :) Hope your weekend is great!
Fabulous Face Friday
Friday, June 12th, 2009
Thinking of You
Friday, June 12th, 2009
Sometimes, Words Are Unnecessary
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
Punishment Should Be Bad, Right?
Thursday, June 11th, 2009
You’ve asked me to punish you whenever you do something that displeases me.
To be honest, that’s not a concept I can really grasp. Why wouldn’t you just do what I ask you to if you want to please me and if you really want me to be in charge? You’re an adult, so it seems as if you would stand up, be accountable and do what needs to be done.
Still, I understand that we don’t think the same way about things. You feel punishment is something you need – that it is necessary for me to control you. If that’s the case, then I will do that. After all, I agreed to meet you at least halfway as often as possible. Eventually, if I do this, I may better understand the differences in our needs and philosophies.
So, I will punish you. Whenever you do something that displeases me, first we will talk. You’ll explain what happened and then I will decide if punishment is warranted. If I determine it is, I will then withdraw from you the things you really enjoy. Until I decide it is time for the punishment to end, there will be no kinky play, no sex, no serving me in those fun and pleasurable ways. I will not say any of those little things that push your buttons in a super sexy way. I will do nothing to deliberately turn you on. It’s a shame, really, because you will also be robbing me of the pleasure of doing all those things. I’ll make do with things that aren’t you – a vibe or something similar – but you won’t be a part of it in any way.
Most of all, you will know how much you have disappointed me.
I know by refusing to spank you or in some other way physically punish you that I am flying in the face of “traditional” Femdom, but we both know on at least some level, you would enjoy that. To me, it’s not logical to give you what you want as a reward for disappointing me.
That doesn’t that mean spanking and other forms of kinky “punishment” are completely off the table – they’re simply reserved for a good boy who pleases me by doing his best.
(This post is a continuation of my “if I were a vanilla woman and my partner wanted me to dominate him and/or be the boss” series.)
Let Me Set the Pace – After All, I’m the One in Charge
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
I’m really beginning to enjoy myself with you.
Watching you kneel to taste me. Feeling your hands caressing the soft curves of my behind. Seeing my wetness on your face after your lips and your tongue work together to bring me to climax. Leaning forward and running my own tongue along your lips to taste myself. Yes.. I love that.
Tying your wrists and ankles to the bedframe with soft, silky scarves. Leaving you aching and unable to touch. Providing you with the perfect view to watch as I slowly remove my clothing and allow my fingers to caress each newly exposed area of flesh. Laughing in delight as you futilely strain to touch after seeing my fingers stroke the softness between my thighs. Moaning with abandon as my body arches in release while you remain controlled by my silky softness – controlled and denied. Mmm… yes, I love that.
Slipping my finger inside my warm wetness. Smiling at your helpless form lying on the bed, your arms and your legs still bound. Running my sweetly-coated finger along the tip of your hardness. Laughing yet again in delight as your body stiffens and you pull against the scarves, your cock jerking in response. Teasing and stroking til you are begging for release. Wanting it but not wanting it – your mind consumed with that delicious confusion. Standing, kissing your cock – your cock that is now my cock – then turning and leaving the room. Glancing over my shoulder as I do to see the surprised, helpless, and completely aroused look on your face. Oh yes.. I love that.
It’s easy to love doing these things with you because I feel sexy when I am with you. You let me know in so many ways that it is me you desire - not the kink, not the control – just me. That’s really important to me. If you are only interested in the kink and the control, then what makes me any different than a prostitute or a professional Dominatrix? I admit it took awhile in the beginning for me to feel sexy when doing new things. After all, I’m older and not as fit as I was when I was 20. Your loving attention and appreciation for my body and the things we do have helped me grow in confidence.
It also helped that you didn’t present me with a really far out list of things you wanted. I know you want those things but to expect me to go so far so fast is totally unrealistic and completely unfair. It’s much better if you are patient and let me move forward at my own pace.
Some of the things you want are things that I will probably never be able to do. I know that’s difficult to hear, but it’s not fair for me to tell you I will when I know deep down inside I can’t or won’t. I will do some of the things you desire when I choose and when I desire them as well. As time goes by I will probably do more because my confidence and comfort level will grow. Please don’t push me or try to manipulate me as that only undermines what you say you really want – for me to be in control.
In the end, we each will have to give a little to find a place where we can both enjoy what we have. I’m willing to do that and I hope you are as well.
(This post is a continuation of my “if I were a vanilla woman and my partner wanted me to dominate him and/or be the boss” series.)
Terrific Tush Tuesday – You’re Mine
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009
Don’t move. You’re mine and as such I’m going to use you.
As you stand there with your bare behind exposed, I smile a wicked knowing little smile. Your cock – no, MY cock – is so very hard. Even though you stand facing away from me, I know this. After all, when you feel my control as intensely as you do now, your cock – MY cock – has no choice. It responds quickly.
It’s not just your body that’s responding. Even more exciting to me is the knowledge that your mind is racing. You’re a bit embarrassed to be exposed in such a way but oh how eager you are for it, because once your ass is exposed, you know that something delicious will follow.
Will my soft hand gently caress then spank each cheek? Perhaps I’ll wrap my fingers around your hardness and stroke while my bare hand slaps your muscled behind.
Perhaps I will order you to bend over a bit so that I can slip in the new plug that arrived in the mail just yesterday. Yes.. I saw that involuntary clinch. You say anal training isn’t something that interests you, but my pet – I hear how your breathing quickens whenever I mention it.
Maybe I will tenderly press my soft lips on each of your cheeks, my lipstick prints identifying my territory. I love owning you – all of you – and it excites me to mark you even if the mark is only temporary.
Smiles.
While I decide your fate, my pet, you just stand still and consider how very lucky you are ;)
