Lady Julia’s Entranced Realm

Earlier I was speaking with a friend and the subject turned to blogs that seemed to be a bit.. fanciful.  There are a few “Domme” blogs that I read that I often think, “This has to be written by a man”.  There are several others where I often find myself wondering how anyone can possibly do “x”.  In spite of my suspicions about the accuracy of the tales, I still enjoy reading them.  The authors write well and the commenters usually share interesting points of view.

When you find yourself reading blog posts that seem to stretch the truth by a little or a lot, does this turn you away from the blog completely or do you simply read it and take the information presented “for what it’s worth”? Would you prefer that the author state in the small print it was a work of fiction or would that ruin the suspension of disbelief? Would you read such a pseudo-real blog or would you prefer out and out fiction in say, short story format?

A friend and I have recently been discussing the need for women to know how to defend themselves.  With very little persuasion on my part he very sweetly agreed to address the issue here for me. Thanks to him for a job well done.

Are strong women feminine? Most of us would say “yes”. But what if that woman was physically strong? What if she was a very good fighter, more than able to physically defend herself? Some of us would say that it is a good thing, but I think a lot of men and some women have trouble with that image. In general we don’t think of women in these terms.

When I was younger I was asked by my karate sensei (teacher) to be a street attacker in his women’s self defense class. Most of the women in the class were there because they were the victims of domestic violence. Very few were there because they just wanted to learn some self defense basics. Thirty years ago you did not see many women training. I think this is slowly changing. But nowhere near the same numbers as guys.

I came to the following conclusions. Women in general just are not into fighting like guys are. Women are not encouraged to take up any training. In fact many are discouraged from taking classes. I think some guys find strong women intimidating. I also think guys are worried it is one more thing she doesn’t need me for. It feeds their insecurity.

All this I kind of understand. I don’t agree, but I understand it. What I found intriguing was that a lot of the women in class were concerned that being a “fighter” was not feminine. This is what I want to discuss.

My sensei would use the following imagery. Watch a nature show about big cats, let’s say tigers. Both the males and females are strong and fierce hunters, but there is no mistaking the females from the males. The female is strong, sleek and graceful. She walks differently, she behaves differently.

The males fight for sex, food and dominance over other males.

The females fight to protect their young and themselves. She will drive off males and predators much bigger than she is. She will do anything to protect her cubs. She will also protect herself when the cubs are not present. She has to defend herself from harm, or her cubs will die. I think this is just beautiful. The females desire to defend herself is driven by their maternal instincts, and their need to protect and nurture.

I think the corollary applies to humans. Women will risk their lives to save their children or someone else’s children without hesitation. Where the analogy breaks down is training. Female and male tiger cubs get equal training. It is part of their play. They are always pouncing and mock fighting. It is perfectly natural for them.

In our culture women just do not get that much self defense training. It is not considered “lady like”.

I think that is utterly false. I think that any woman that learns to defend herself is the very definition of femininity. The instinct to protect themselves and others is supremely feminine. I don’t think it matters if the woman has children or not. Think about how much we depend on the women in our lives. What would our lives be like without their nurturing and support? When a woman protects herself she is also protecting her loved ones.

I would like to see all women receive some training in basic self defense. I wish it was a normal part of growing up. I hope woman realize how important their safety is to us, and how much our lives would be diminished if you were harmed. We don’t always tell you that, but is true.

I hope that guys encourage the women in their lives to get some basic training. We have to give up the romanticized notion that we will always be there to protect them. Unfortunately that is just not true. I wish it was true but it is not. I hope all men realize that a strong woman who can defend herself is very very feminine.

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Lady Julia’s note:

These things don’t just happen to other people.