I told David that I am a Domme.
During my week in North Carolina he suggested we exchange emails, an idea I embraced because it afforded me the opportunity to think about what I wanted to say before I said it. I know it may seem odd to many that I was hesitant, but I do live in a very conservative area and many people here are taken aback by anything that isn’t mainstream.
“Remember when I told you that I am pretty used to getting what I want? Well, it’s a little bit more than what it might appear on the surface. I’m a Domme,” I wrote. I quite enjoyed ending my email with that particular sentence. I only wish I could have been inside his mind to hear what he was thinking as he read it (wink).
“That doesn’t seem to fit,” he replied. “I can’t see you with a whip. You’re too gentle. I can’t envision you humiliating someone or acting like a bitch. You’re too sweet.”
“Your knowledge of dominance… is that first-hand or did you just google the word Domme?” I was smiling.
“Was it that obvious? I only know what I read on a few sites and what I’ve seen in movies or on TV. Since you’re into this, there must be something to it other than pain or humiliation. I’m interested in hearing more if you want to explain. I suppose I could even tolerate a demonstration that shatters the stereotype. Strictly for educational purposes of course.”
Cheeky fella.
Cheekiness aside, I was surprised at his open-mindedness considering I’ve known a lot of “experienced” dominants and submissives (especially online) who are unable to see that there could possibly be another way to do things other than their own.
“I’m not sure that I’m all that sweet or gentle, but you’re right. Inflicting intense pain or serious humiliation on someone isn’t my thing. Mild pain and teasing humiliation, well… I have to admit that I like to see a man squirm because he’s turned on and a bit embarrassed, but only if he’s enjoying it. It’s no fun otherwise – the same with pain, really. If inside his brain a little bit of pain increases his pleasure, that works for me. It’s not about the pain or the humiliation; it’s about controlling his pleasure. In spite of what you may have read online, there are many ways to dominate.”
Because we didn’t have a lot of time to continue the conversation that week, I ended the discussion by adding, “To me, being a Domme means being able to very gently, very persuasively stroke his mind, stirring his wants and needs to such a frenzy that he is begging to give me exactly what I want and leaving him surprised to find that what I want is what he wants also.”
Other than a simple “I want to hear more”, I didn’t hear from him for several days after that and I started wondering if I’d freaked him out. I would have been sad to see a budding friendship end, but I decided that I had to be honest and I had no interest in being anyone other than myself. What was done, was done. It was important to me that he be able to understand that it didn’t matter if a woman was a leather-clad whip-wielding sadist or a soft, sensual seductress, either could be a Domme.
(To be continued..)
No related posts.
“It was important to me that he be able to understand that it didn’t matter if a woman was a leather-clad whip-wielding sadist or a soft, sensual seductress, either could be a Domme.”
I think your writing would be helpful to men who want to introduce wife-led relationships or D/s to their partners. You make it sound like any woman who wants to could do it.
Thank you for reminding me and reaffirming that the Domme sterotype is not the sole reality in relationships. Wonderful photo’s.
Have you closed applications for naked house boy?
Thank you, Duncan. I am hoping that I can communicate that being a Domme can be many things. While the whip-wielding sadist role fits some women, I think many women who consider taking a more dominant role in their relationship might find that a very big step to take from where they presently are. It’s good if that’s who someone is, but certainly there are other ways :)
Have you closed applications for naked house boy?
Nigel, I’ve been patiently waiting for you. When does your plane arrive? ;)
Sorry Lady Julia,
I did not clarify the question as general interest. I just wondered if you had made your selection?
I am so “Kreacher” the house elf, and wouldn’t inflict that on anyone.
I knew you what you meant, Nigel. I was just teasing you.
While having a houseboy sounds truly appealing, I am not really looking at the moment. It’s just fun to think about :)
I hope you continue telling us about this. I envy him for being close to you.
Dear Lady,
I have never dealt with a professional Domina, and probably never would. I also think that the commonly required or accepted attire for “domination” is silly. It is likely uncomfortable, sometimes too revealing, and totally fake. That is not saying that in a personal relationship you should not dress or undress as you wish. I am just dismissing the stereotype as fluff.
You provide some very profound descriptions of the way you are. I find some very endearing, but in a dominant way. Your latest is, “To me, being a Domme means being able to very gently, very persuasively stroke his mind, stirring his wants and needs to such a frenzy that he is begging to give me exactly what I want and leaving him surprised to find that what I want is what he wants also.”
There are many ways to show dominance, and I like many. But this is like the person who wants to be heard: instead of shouting, she whispers, and all will suddenly pay attention.
May I have your permission to quote you on my blog? I promise you that it would be in the same kind spirit in which I offered this comment.
Thank you, Susan’s Pet. You’re very kind.
Absolutely you may quote me on your blog. I’d be very honored.