In my recent “Interview Me(me) post, Felix asked:
… and here are my interview questions for you, Lady Julia. Please accept my apologies in advance if they are too intrusive. (You can return the favor by asking me questions like, “Have you always been this nosy?”) I only have four, but they’re kind of long.
I offered, so I can’t label anyone who asks as “nosy”, can I? :)
1. If I understand properly, you work as a nurse. Nursing would seem to attract people who are caregiver types (although I know that not everyone who becomes a nurse fits that profile.) Would you say that the desire to nurture and care for others makes up at least part of your nature?
Yes, I’d say that a desire to nurture and care for others is definitely part of my nature. I’ve always been that way. Nursing, by the way, also attracts the bossy :) Most nurses spend their days telling people what to do so that they can coax their patients to reach their full health potential.
2 If you answered “yes” to question 1, then how does this aspect of your character play itself out in your Domme lifestyle? Did it influence your choice to adopt that lifestyle?
I don’t really believe that I chose to adopt a dominant lifestyle. For as long as I can remember I was a bossy little girl who really loved the fellas. Being a nurturer does influence how I dominate, though. I like coaxing things from people, watching them grow to understand what’s inside them, helping them become strong and happy in their submission. Sounds arrogant, I know but at the same time it feels very, very good.
3. It strikes me as an outside observer that a D/s relationship depends heavily on the playing of stylized roles, and that these roles dominate the relationship. Is this an accurate observation?
I think it does for some people, but I’m not really into defined roles. I don’t think “is this how a Domme is supposed to act?” and then act that way. Whatever I feel like doing, I do. While I’m not with anyone right now, I believe my previous fella would agree that he did the same. The only difference is that I persuaded him to want to do what I wanted him to do.
Sometimes what I wanted was what he wanted. I didn’t consider that he was topping from the bottom when he verbalized his wants and needs. I wanted to hear what he yearned for and he trusted that I would indeed hear without judging and without putting him in his “submissive place”. He respected my control because he knew no matter what, I was still the one to decide if and when it would happen.
I hear people complain because they’re expected to behave within a certain set of parameters or because they expect their partner to fit within this neat little box of guidelines. Often the expectations are unreasonable because they’re based on concepts tossed out into the cyberworld as fact when in reality they’re fantasy. People pick these up and tightly embrace them, leaving them ever feeling as if they’ve failed or their partner has failed.
Having my own self-defined expectations and my partner having his keeps us from being bitter and/or frustrated.
That wasn’t necessarily what you asked, was it? Sometimes I ramble :)
4. If you answered “yes” to question 3, then: Is it possible for each party in a D/s relationship to truly, deeply know the other person beyond the role they play? (I acknowledge that the role itself may reflect something deep about the person who plays it, but assume that it does not encompass the whole of their being.) If so, how does that work itself out?
If people are only acting out a pre-defined role, I think it’s difficult to see the real them at first. Eventually, though, the real them comes out. It has to – we can’t forever hide who we really are.
I cherish knowing the real person I’m with. Knowing his wants, needs, fears, and fantasies helps me know what I want to do and where I want to take the relationship. It makes it much more likely that he’s going to be happy and that I am, too.
Thanks for the very thought provoking questions :)
No related posts.
I wanted to respond to some of the points in item 3…
Relationships work only when they work for both participants. The nature of the relationship doesn’t affect this basic statement. Even in a D/s relationship, the needs of both participants must be satisfied.
Few people are entirely dominant or entirely submissive. While some submissives may feel their every breath exists simply to serve their dominants, I very much doubt this is the norm. There is a certain amount of selfish desire in all of us.
Lady Julia certainly understands this — her answer exhibits her own concern for her partner’s needs.
Of course, what I’ve said so far is why some people would suggest Lady Julia doesn’t practice “real domination”. Lady Julia refers to these people as members of the Church of One True Way, I believe.
The thing is — it’s easy to dominate someone with no will of his or her own. I have a vision of frightened rabbits.
It seems far more interesting when the partner is more complex than this. Think of taming a wild tiger. Taming the tiger takes a lot more work and attention, but it seems like the reward (and bragging rights) are far greater.
If, of course, you think Tigers are beautiful. Some people prefer rabbits.
To each his or her own.
… and thanks for the thought-provoking answers as well! I loved the picture, too — perfectly matched to the topic at hand. Made me smile. :-)
Lady Julia,
These responses not only serve as the creation of a tiny step along your path into a greater Humanity, they open your soul via sharing your truth. This exposure of your self deepens your experience into your Self, and you ,as the individual, growing, continue your journey inward while sharing your growth outward.
You are a powerful woman, Lady Julia, and you recognize the individual strength of others.
Maybe that’s why, were I near-by, I’d respectfully request to share tea with you. Or, possibly, champagne and chocolate?
Respectfully,
willie
Sometimes what I wanted was what he wanted. I didn’t consider that he was topping from the bottom when he verbalized his wants and needs. I wanted to hear what he yearned for and he trusted that I would indeed hear without judging and without putting him in his “submissive place”. He respected my control because he knew no matter what, I was still the one to decide if and when it would happen.
It is impossible to keep boys in line if you give them what they want. It spoils them and they get lazy. They need a firm hand and need to know that you only do what YOU want to do. They need to be denied.
Lisa, as an intelligent, open-minded adult I’m certainly willing to believe that your way works for you even though it differs from mine.
Thank you all for your comments :)
What form of discipline do you use when your boys disobey you? I am very harsh for every infraction and this humbles them and reminds them of my superiority. Men need harshness and to know they are inferior so that they are quickly put in their place. They tend to become cocky and self-focused if they are not taken in hand.
I agree that you can’t go easy on men. You’re simply not going to get anywhere trying to talk to them or reason with them.
I personally think sensory deprivation works well as punishment. I’ll leave a disobedient slave in a darkened movie theater with nothing but High School Musical 3 playing on the screen.
Usually shapes them right up.
Suzette, you’re one funny lady :)
Mistress Lisa and Suzzette, greetings,
I think the meaning of the words in the above sentences is very male in behaviour.
Perhaps echoing a “Taliban” veiw of feminism applied to males?
There is a saying in Eygyt that states; A husband should beat his wife every day. Because if you do not know what it is for, she does. (cheeky grin)
Perhaps it is are similarities rather than are differences that makes gender interaction so interesting. :)