“If you want to kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel
(…on your knees boy!)” – Mysterious Ways (U2)
Can’t get those words or this photo out of my mind today.
I know that many people think the only way to control a submissive man is to be harsh and punitive, but I think encouraging him to his knees, stirring intense feelings of desire and devotion – and yes, in some situations love - is a much more effective – and fun ;)
Earlier today Lisa asked, “What form of discipline do you use when your boys disobey you? I am very harsh for every infraction and this humbles them and reminds them of my superiority. Men need harshness and to know they are inferior so that they are quickly put in their place. They tend to become cocky and self-focused if they are not taken in hand.”
I have to honestly say I’ve never had to deal with disobedience. There have been misunderstandings and a few mistakes, sure, but never once a moment of direct disobedience. During times when I felt he was giving less than his best, I’ve expressed my disappointment and that’s all it took. I made certain he knew how much I cared about him, that I trusted him, and that his efforts to please me were so special to me – that they touched me so very much. Because he cared about me, he wanted me to please me and was disappointed in himself when he fell short.
That method doesn’t work with everyone to be sure, but I can tell you that even times when I’ve mentored friends, dominating them in specific areas of their lives, it’s been pretty much the same thing. Sure, it is soft and tender and not at all sadistic, but not everyone is a masochist. What works for some doesn’t work for others. The trick is finding what works for you. I did, and I’m so very glad I did.
No related posts.
Dommes have gotten a skewed rap if you ask me, or maybe it’s just my taste. They’re portrayed as cold bitches who either hate men or commit to behavior that makes it seem so. Honestly, whatever happened to a gentle answer turns away wrath, speak softly and control the boy’s stick…wait, was that right? Anyway, I’d much more inclined to follow the soft spoken request of a sensual woman just for a glimpse of her approving smile, even when I know I’m being manipulated, over a belittling harpy any day. It makes almost all Femdom videos unwatchable. Why does it seem that the sensual Domme is the exception to the rule rather than the norm? Maybe men would rather it that way, but I’m a man and I couldn’t disagree more.
Lady Julia once again your words are in harmony with my personal views. I have been a member, although silent for a while, in your TCOD and Entranced Realm groups. During that time they have been an invaluable resource for my Wife and myself in our own personal journey. We give you heartfelt thanks for your MP3s and information freely available on your sites.
We first came to your groups looking for guidance from others that may have ventured down this path before us. What we found was that most had similar views but slightly different ways of achieving their ideal relationship. In most cases the people that we spoke to had not seemed to have reached their final destination.
Through reading and chatting we came to the realisation that as each person is different and each relationship is different, so to will the D/s relationship dynamics. To copy what another relationship does or did to ensure the success of their D/s relationship would not necessarily work for us. We also discovered that the fun part was not the destination but the journey itself. Although prone to mistakes and misunderstandings, working through and discussing what works for us rather than relying on a set of rules dictated or suggested by others was much more successful in determining what would work for us. It seems easy to look for the “recipe” of what to do but just like a recipe even though you may follow the steps exactly you may not like the final dish because everyones individual tastes are different.
That all being said it is still valuable to listen to others. It may not be what works for you or alternatively it might just be advice you have been looking for. However if you dont listen you may run the risk of missing out entirely. It is relieving to find someone with very similar ideals to that of yourself, in that if they are further down the path they might have some good advice.
On the topic of Discipline, i too share the personal disappointment from not making the love of my life completely happy. What keeps me performing my knightly duties is not a fear of discipline, but fear of letting down the one person who truely provides me a loving, safe, content, exciting and satisfied life.
When you speak to others and see other relationships around you, more and more you are thankful for what you have. People who are passionate about preserving rainforests, will do anything to protect them, strap themselves to trees, lay down in front of bulldozers. To thank my Wife for providing me the above i would do anything to please Her. And pleasing Her feels so very good :) Like you and your’s Lady Julia we too have found what works for us. Thank you for providing us the resources to work out what works for us. Good luck to others on their own journeys.
Have you made it through the 500 plus pages of “Twilight” yet?
It’s actually a very sweet and chaste read. To the heroine, Edward’s eyes aren’t just “gorgeous”. They re “unbearably gorgeous.”
Sigh.
I think Stephanie Meyer did a really good job of capturing the powerful emotions of first love and it’s worth reading for anyone with teen/tween girls. A nice reminder that at that age everything to them actually is a big deal. Just like it was for us:)
And anything that gets kids to read 500 pages is pretty cool.
Seeing the movie later today with my oldest and her friends. Let the screeching and giggling begin!
Susan,
Totally aside from being the co-winner of a hot car, I really miss Your inspiring written words and your knock ‘em dead sense of humor. Oh, won’t you return to slay dragons with your words once again?
:D
robert
While the whole punishing, demeaning, female superiority approach may push the buttons of some submissive males, it not only doesn’t work for me – it does just the opposite for me.
The more i hear a Female push the superiority notion, the less convincing i find it to be.
On the other hand, Lady Julia’s genius has worked on me quite potently and for quite some time now.
Hi Thomas :) Thanks for your comments.
When reading blogs and other femdom sites, one does tend to get the impression that the sensual Domme is not the preferred choice for the majority submissive men. That said, there are a great many who write to me, who participate in groups I’ve been in, and who visit my blog. Maybe they’re just the quieter ones?
hunterbj – thank you so much for sharing the insight you’ve gained through your journey.
You said, “People who are passionate about preserving rainforests, will do anything to protect them, strap themselves to trees, lay down in front of bulldozers. To thank my Wife for providing me the above i would do anything to please Her. And pleasing Her feels so very good :) ”
I think that’s an excellent point. We all have our passions – sports, cars, shopping, politics, whatever. Making our partner at least one of our passions certainly makes a difference in the relationship :)
Susan,
I still have about 250 pages to go. (Not as much time to read this week as I’d hoped so tonight will be a late night.)
“And anything that gets kids to read 500 pages is pretty cool.”
I so agree. That’s the big reason I’m reading this with her. Of all the nieces and nephews she is the one least interested in reading. Anything I can do to help fuel her interest, I’m ready to do.
Was the movie good? I think we’re going one evening this week.
Lady Julia,
We all feell our passions, but I’ve discovered their are many who never become passionate about the feelings.
When two hold on to their own and share the passionate with their other, how great the opportunity for growth into unifird individuality.
respectfully,
willie
Dear Lady,
It is obvious that your companions submit to you and are nearly perfect because of the love of you or the love of submission to you. Your control by virtue of your presence is admirable.
However, I wish to add an observation that is partly based on how I feel, and partly on how I understand men who are willing to serve. I love to serve my wife, and my major goal is to make her feel good under all circumstances. But that does not always happen. How she deals with it is the difference between her and other women who are served by a man. For my purposes I like the loving relationship that you exhibit, and that I experience. I would not want to be treated brutally. Yet I also like to be taught to do my best, and in this somewhat kinky relationship that requires an occasional “course correction.” This is not to say that all relationships should be that way. My observation of other relationships are based on blogs dealing with FLR. Most men in these situations can use, even crave, discipline. The severity and frequency varies, but it is a common theme.
Your being a beningn and loving Domme does not preclude you from an occasional handing out of discipline other than just your verbal disapproval. Submissive men thrive on that.
Lisa’s basic premise, of course, is flawed. Some men are inferior than the women they may be with, for some values of measuring “inferior”. The reverse is also true. But in general, you just can’t use that word with accuracy. Each gender has strengths and weaknesses, if produced through genetics or social engineering.
One drive for a man towards a submissive relationship with a women may be caused by past women of interest in his life. “I just don’t know what she wants” is a cliche, along with about a dozen different ways of saying almost the same thing. “Whatever I do is wrong.” By entering into a D/s relationship, the man in effect is no longer responsible for guessing what’s right and wrong. If he’s not doing it right, it’s her fault for not communicating, and they both know it. The man now knows what he’s supposed to do to please her and in return earn the rewards (love and affection and a harmonious household) — which is all he wanted the entire time.
Absolutely nothing I just said is about someone being more superior than the other.