Recently I was reading a blog written by a Femdom, male submissive couple. They share quite a bit about their intimate lives which I am sure is appealing to many of their readers. They each have ideas about how a Femdom “must” be and how a male submissive “must” behave. That’s not surprising, there are many “Church of the One True Way” members out there who are always eager to tell others how they must behave. I am not impressed, but normally I just move on without comment when I stumble upon one of these blogs.
However, I felt I must comment after reading of the woman instructing her partner to do something that could easily get him arrested and worse, all the while insisting that the submissive must do this because no matter what, the submissive will obey his Mistress and trust that she will not allowed him to be harmed.
That’s nuts.
Sorry if that sounds judgmental or harsh, but this is a situation in which not only is the male mindlessly and obediently engaging in dangerous behavior, but the story is presented in a manner that infers that this is how all submissives should behave. As far as I am concerned that is completely irresponsible.
Using blanket statements is not my style, but I think most people will agree with these two premises: During power exchange interactions, one of the Domme’s critical responsibilities is to insure the physical and emotional well-being of her submissive. One of the submissive’s responsibilities is to insure that he maintains an awareness that there are limits to a power exchange and doing something stupid because a Domme orders him to do so is still stupid.
/End rant.
No related posts.
I’m glad you posted this. I imagine there is such a thing as talking too much about safety, sanity, and consensuality, but you certainly are not doing that here. Without awareness there can be no informed consent, and without that safety and sanity just fall by the wayside. Blinders are for horses to keep them running straight and true. Such devices tend to make humans crash.
In many ways, people are attracted to other people with similar qualities. For instance, intelligent people tend to prefer other intelligent people. Similarly, intelligent people tend to find the unintelligent to be dull and not worthy of a lot of personal time.
The likelihood is that someone exhibiting any of the following traits will be unlikely to attract someone who doesn’t share that trait:
-Stupidity
-Foolishness
-Lack of judgement
-Boorishness
etc.
Thus, when one member of the relationship is stupid, the other is likely to also be stupid. Similarly you’ll find foolhardy to come in pairs.
Therefore, if one member of the D/s relationship is foolish, chances are the other one is too. And thus it’s no surprise when we hear stories such as the one you related.
Yes, I have my cynical days.
Well, I’m not saying these people are stupid, just that the act of mindlessly allowing something to order you to do something that can result in harm is stupid. (I tried to think of a nicer way to say that, but the thesaurus in my head couldn’t come up with something strong enough and nice, so I left it with stupid).
We all do stupid things regardless of our intelligence level. I did something not too bright just a little while ago and now have an injured ankle as a result.
Would people really do this or is this just a fantasy? Why risk jail or worse because someone has it in their head you have something to prove to them.
David, there are all kinds of people in the world. If you can envision some way of living, chances are good that someone is engaged in that sort of lifestyle within some sort of margin of error.
So yes, I suspect that there are people living in a D/s relationship where the dominant is mentally unstable enough to order the submissive to engage in illegal acts and the submissive is misguided enough to follow said orders.
I doubt it’s the norm within the D/s realm.
I have to wonder if the web site Lady Julia was reading is based at all on fact or is purely fantasy. Unless you actually know the people in question, you have no way to be sure unless they flat out say, “This is all fantasy.” But I have my suspicions.
I am so glad you wrote about this subject (smiles) and along with people like Mistress Rika I am glad that there are FemDom’s who exercise restraint (no pun intended) Sigh……
Romantic Dominance and submission is foremost about loving “each other” and while some naughty adventures can be fun, anything, which endangers a loved one, surely defeats the purpose of Dominance and submission as a higher kind of love?
Maybe I’m too idealistic?
Sorry to read about your ankle. I hope it gets better soon.
I like it when you make comments like this. Sometimes people can get so deep into the fantasy, they allow common sense to go out the window. Your comment provides a much needed voice of common sense and safety.
Will
David: I don’t know if these particular people were writing of a fantasy but yes, there are people who do things like this. If I want to take risks for myself, that’s one thing. But when I have influence – quite a bit of influence – over another person, I think it’s going way to far to request someone do something that could result in harm.
Nigel: I don’t think you’re idealistic. This article was a couple who appear to be very much in love. To be sure there are people who engage in power exchange activities who are not in love, but the responsibility to be safe is there nonetheless.
Arafin, Will, and FTW: Thank you for your comments :)