The whole Venus and Mars thing has been done to death but while some of it is baloney, there is some truth to it. I don’t think like you do when it comes to sex and most especially when it comes to your submission to me. Because so much of the Femdom, Female Led Relationship experience is about what we’re thinking and feeling, it really helps me to know what is going on in that sexy mind of yours.
It’s important for me to know not only what you want and need from our relationship but what really turns you on. To determine this without opening the door for you to guide where our relationship goes, I’ve decided to assign a couple of tasks.
First, I would like for you to complete this BDSM Submissive Checklist. Not everything that pushes your buttons will be listed, but it’s a good place to begin. Take your time and be honest with me. Nothing you say will shock me – surprise me, maybe – but it won’t freak me out. I want to know more about your secret desires because I will be using them to my advantage ;)
In addition, once a day for the next seven days I want to hear about one of your fantasies. I realize it may be difficult for you to share these things with me so I’m giving you the option of telling me face-to-face, via recording, or by email. During those seven days you may not touch for pleasure and I will not allow you to release. (Smiles – just amping things up a bit, Sweetheart.)
I am providing these mechanisms of communicating your wants and needs not only because this will lead to a greater understanding of your submissiveness, but also because it will help to avoid any effort on your part to manipulate me. I love you and I want you to have everything you need and much of what you desire, but you must understand that efforts on your part to guide what we do – while perhaps temporarily giving you what you want – will in the long run damage our growing Femdom, FLR relationship. The more I steer, the stronger my level of confidence in doing so will be. Every time I feel pressured or manipulated, the more I will feel that you are in control and that I’m not doing things “right”.
Since you’ve asked me to control and I assume that is what genuinely you want, let me.
(This post is a continuation of my “if I were a vanilla woman and my partner wanted me to dominate him and/or be the boss” series.)No related posts.
This series is wonderful, Lady Julia. I am so impressed with how well you present information and make it simple without making it preachy. The example method is great and I like that you are writing it as if you are talking to your submissive.
I want to know more about your secret desires because I will be using them to my advantage ;)
During those seven days you may not touch for pleasure and I will not allow you to release. (Smiles – just amping things up a bit, Sweetheart.)
Those say so much more than what they say. You show how to tease and deny in a flirty and cute way that would be sexy to any man.
Wow! What a checklist. I don’t know the meaning of many of the items on it. I have much to learn before I could even fill it out.
Vanilla Will
I agree with Duncan. It would be great to have this series in a book or PDF.
Lady Julia, what things could a submissive do for you if he wanted to please you?
Duncan and James, thank you for your kind remarks.
James, I will respond to your question in a post so keep your eyes open :) I will do it soon. (I still need to write one on rituals so be patient) :)
Will, that checklist made me feel very vanilla too and to a large extent I guess I am. That said, some of those things can be defined more than one way – humiliation as an example. Mild teasing or embarrassment that makes a man squirm with pleasure – that works for me. The sort that can damage a self-esteem or reinforce the beliefs of someone who already has a damaged self-esteem is not for me.
Is it strange that so many people who seek submission zero in on their own feelings while missing the feelings of the Dominant? Of course, this takes place among vanillas, too, but it seems especially ironic that in D/s, where as you say, much of the “… experience is about what we’re thinking and feeling …” that it’s often more “me” than “we”. This series of yours seeks to solve a very deep puzzle and it comes closer than anything I have yet to read, but in the end I guess it’s up to each individual to figure it out for themselves, (or sadly … not).
My fantasies are many, some sexual and some not, and they all come from the same mind that yearns for happiness in real life just as much as in dreams. Some of my fantasies are what I call “real” in that they could actually happen, and some are “impossible” in that they could never happen. Both of these are, however, real in the sense that they are part of me. Real or not, memories or hopes or just playful imaginings, a thought arises like a twinkle of light and is cast upon the wind, and by interacting with you I have been blessed with many joyful lights and many kind breezes to carry them aloft. Thank you for being who you are and thank you for sharing your gifts.
Arafin
Arafin, you’re a dear as always. Thank you for sharing your insight.
Dear Lady Julia,
Just to let you know,the checklist page is gone.
Freemann
Thank you Freemann. I hate that it is gone as it was a really helpful list. I’ll revise the link to reflect another checklist.