Dear Lady Julia, My name is T, I just recently met this woman online through a traditional site. Her tag line caught my eye, Idolize_me. We’ve emailed, spoken on the phone and went on one date. Things look promising. I would like to have a FLR with her, any suggestions on do’s & dont’s to see if this type of relationship would interest her.
T, congrats on meeting a Lady that has captured your interest. Finding someone with whom we click isn’t always the easiest thing in the world, is it? :)
It’s difficult to respond to your question because I don’t know either of you, so I can only give you the “this is what I would want” response. I may have made some incorrect assumptions about what you have said, so if I have feel free to let me know.
When I was much younger I remember saying “I want him to idolize me” when referring to the man of my dreams, however I did not mean that phrase in the D/s sense. I simply meant I wanted someone who would cherish me, someone who would think I was extraordinary. There was nothing kinky running through my mind, not even in the slightest. I think it was more of a fairy tale type of “idolize” rather than anything else.
So my first suggestion would be to take the use of that phrase with a grain of salt.
As for general “dos” and “don’ts” when approaching someone about a Female Led Relationship, I’d offer the following for your consideration:
Get to know her a bit before approaching her about FLR as it relates to the two of you. If she is a Domme she will let you know sooner rather than later. If she isn’t you could frighten her away by bringing up any type of relationship – FLR or otherwise – too soon. That said, I understand that you do not want to get overly involved with her and then find out that FLR is absolutely off the table. If someone were going to raise the subject with me in a personal “what do you think about doing this with me and to me” sort of way, I would hope he would at least wait until we were broaching the subject of sex.
Keep in mind that many dominant / strong women are pursued for what they can do rather than who they are. If you approached me after only a few dates and began discussing FLR in personal terms, I would wonder if it was me you were pursuing or if it was the kink.
Be observant, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Are you getting the sense that she is a strong woman? Does she seem to be a take-the-lead type?
If you want to approach the subject in a casual manner without placing any pressure on her I wouldn’t consider that unreasonable, assuming you’re fairly certain she’s not someone who would be offended by the topic. As long as I didn’t feel I was being pressured I wouldn’t mind discussing FLR in the abstract with anyone no matter how little I knew them, but I am pretty open to discussing almost anything. It’s always best to “know your audience” when considering a topic like this.
I’m sure there are other things to consider as relationships and people are complicated, but those are the first things that spring to mind. Remember that I can only speak for me since I do not know either of you. Best of luck and keep me updated :)
~ Lady Julia
P.S. I’m assuming you’ve read my most recent series “if I were a vanilla woman and my partner wanted me to dominate him and/or be the boss”. If not, you may find some useful information there.
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You wrote, “… many dominant / strong women are pursued for what they can do rather than who they are …” Wow, that’s really spot on! But, is it not also true for many vanilla women, vanilla men, and Dom/mes? Still, I will hazard a guess that more strong women are pursued this way than are other people. Wasn’t it John Kennedy who said, “Ask not what your Domme can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Domme?”
Lady Julia,
Thanks for providing the non-D/s view on what a lady might mean when she says “idolize me.”
“When I was much younger I remember saying “I want him to idolize me” when referring to the man of my dreams, however I did not mean that phrase in the D/s sense. I simply meant I wanted someone who would cherish me, someone who would think I was extraordinary. There was nothing kinky running through my mind, not even in the slightest. I think it was more of a fairy tale type of “idolize” rather than anything else”.
Words are such tricky things. The speaker can have a meaning very different from the listener. We all have different backgrounds and experiences. The differences give words a slightly different meaning and bring different feelings with them because of our different backgrounds. All this reminds me of a quote attributed to former U.S. Ambassador Robert MCCloskey.
“I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that
what you heard is not what I meant.”
Take care,
Will
You’re welcome, Will. I think you (and Ambassador McCloskey) are correct that people don’t always hear what we say.
Lady Julia you are so practical and wise. In anyone else that would seem staid but because you are so sexy it makes you the whole package. I know you don’t give advice you just say what would work for you but I think your words are worth listening to.
Thank you for your advice. I’ve decided to take the slow friendship approach and see where it leads. I’ve noticed that emails are open to interpretation, you see the words but aren’t sure of the meanings behind them, even the spoken word needs some clarification. If anything interesting developes I’ll keep you posted.
Thanks for touching base with me, T. Good luck with everything.