I remember reading something written by an “authority” on female dominance. The author, a male submissive, inferred that a dominant woman should always be in control of her emotions and should never turn to her submissive male if she is in need of someone to lean on.
While I agree that everyone should control their emotions well enough that others are not harmed, I do not agree that dominant women should feel they can never lean on their submissive partners. I’m a woman, a human being with emotions just like everyone else. Sometimes I hurt. Sometimes I am frustrated. And yes, sometimes I am angry. When I am troubled, it is you I want to turn to. You’re my partner.
I know I can lean on you at times and this will not diminish our relationship. You are realistic enough to know that not every day will be filled to the brim with kink and sex. There are issues outside those two things that must be dealt with. I know I can make it through the difficult times because you are at my side, strong and steady.
I really like that you are a strong man. So many seem to believe that submissive is synonymous with weakness, but we both know that is not at all true. You are intelligent, self-aware, confident and sexy. You’re not threatened by the fact that I am strong, nor do you feel I am less in control when I need your emotional support.
It’s wonderful to have a rich fantasy life. So many things are exciting to imagine and some of them are very thrilling to do. We just have to remember that our Femdom, Female Led relationship stands a much better chance of lasting if we are both grounded in reality when it comes to our expectations of one another.
(This post is a continuation of my “if I were a vanilla woman and my partner wanted me to dominate him and/or be the boss” series.)
Related posts:
- Femdom, Male Slaves, and Relationships Lady Julia. Do you believe that one day a...
- Self-Confidence and the Budding Domme A reader asks: Do you think for a woman...
- Please Be Honest It’s difficult for some to talk about sex, especially...
- Hormonal Urges, Love & Respect: What Motivates You? For the last few days I’ve been following an...
- A Domme’s Needs (Image by Natalia Artemieva – Artaddict.org) “What things do...
Lady Julia,
Your are spot on. I think in any healthy relationship there is always ebb and flow. I think it would be unhealthy and boring if one person was always in control or always had to be strong. I think it is a wonderful trait of humans to have this ability to go switch back and forth as the need arises.
If you don’t mind, I would like to ask you some questions concerning this post.
Do you feel the need to be in control most of the time (with an occasional break)?
Is it situational?
Are there somethings/areas you are more than happy to let someone else take over?
Mike
God I love the way you think…
Thank You for making my three minute break absolutely worthwhile…! Now, kicking myself back to grounded reality in my office.
Lady Julia,
Please feel free to vent to me anytime. You can lay your head on my shoulder and unload your troubles anytime that you need to.
Thank you for this gift of honesty and beautiful reality. It is unfortunate that some think strength means never bending, but really, there is no greater proof of power than the ability to let it go. Leaning on someone is one of the best things any type of relationship offers. It shows strength and security, it builds strength and security, and it is often the foundation of trust. Why the heck should it just be reserved for vanillas? If you can see this and express it so well, then hopefully others who do not currently realize it will catch on.
Arafin
Thank you fellas. This particular post in my “vanilla woman dominating her man” series is one that is very, very personal to me. I wouldn’t have had a much more difficult time the past couple of years if it were not for broad shoulders of a couple of very strong submissive men.
Mike,
You asked, “Do you feel the need to be in control most of the time (with an occasional break)? Is it situational? Are there somethings/areas you are more than happy to let someone else take over?”
I’ve thought about your questions for a bit before answering because I want to be honest. I feel the need to be in control of me pretty much all the time. Also, I admit I like having my way and enjoy knowing it’s relatively easy for me to get it. That said, there are not a tremendous amount of things that matter enough to me that I would actively strive to get my way. My friends may not agree but I think I’m pretty laid back. For example, if you want to eat at Olive Garden for dinner, I’m there. I don’t have to be the one to choose. If however, everyone is dithering around trying to decide and no one will – I will. I cannot stand it when indecision lingers :)
In a relationship, I see things as a primarily a partnership. If he’s good at finances, then he should pay the bills and balance the checkbook. If we can’t agree on buying a large item, no matter which of us wants it, we wouldn’t buy it. If we had children and one of them was sick, my opinion should carry more weight because that’s my area of expertise. With regard to sex, yes, I like to be in control and even in those situations where I relax and let him initiate, I have so many limits it really isn’t as if he is in control. Mostly I like being in charge sexually because it’s natural to me. I don’t have to think – it just oozes out of me.
I can’t say there is really any situation in particular where I would want him to assume the responsibility because I’ve been single long enough I’m more than comfortable with taking care of everything myself. As I said, though – if he’s good at it I’m certainly happy to let him as long as he approaches things without bossing me and with respect to my opinion and feelings.
If we agreed I should take complete control, I wouldn’t have a problem making the ultimate decision on pretty much everything. I’ve done that for years not only as a single person but as a nurse. What I would never want to do is make a big decision without his input and without considering his feelings. We may have agreed for me to be in control, but he’s not brainless.
My preference is a partnership that feeds off of each of our strengths.
I know my response is not the sort of thing a lot of people fantasize about, but it’s my reality.
Lady Julia
With your passion, imagination, and beautiful heart I cannot imagine why a man would care if you wanted to lead, follow or anything in between. It would be the most exciting experience any way you wanted it to be.