You asked, “Do you feel the need to be in control most of the time (with an occasional break)? Is it situational? Are there somethings/areas you are more than happy to let someone else take over?”

I’ve thought about your questions for a bit before answering because I want to be honest. I feel the need to be in control of me pretty much all the time. Also, I admit I like having my way and enjoy knowing it’s relatively easy for me to get it. That said, there are not a tremendous amount of things that matter enough to me that I would actively strive to get my way. My friends may not agree but I think I’m pretty laid back. For example, if you want to eat at Olive Garden for dinner, I’m there. I don’t have to be the one to choose. If however, everyone is dithering around trying to decide and no one will – I will. I cannot stand it when indecision lingers :)

In a relationship, I see things as a primarily a partnership. If he’s good at finances, then he should pay the bills and balance the checkbook. If we can’t agree on buying a large item, no matter which of us wants it, we wouldn’t buy it. If we had children and one of them was sick, my opinion should carry more weight because that’s my area of expertise. With regard to sex, yes, I like to be in control and even in those situations where I relax and let him initiate, I have so many limits it really isn’t as if he is in control. Mostly I like being in charge sexually because it’s natural to me. I don’t have to think – it just oozes out of me.

I can’t say there is really any situation in particular where I would want him to assume the responsibility because I’ve been single long enough I’m more than comfortable with taking care of everything myself. As I said, though – if he’s good at it I’m certainly happy to let him as long as he approaches things without bossing me and with respect to my opinion and feelings.

If we agreed I should take complete control, I wouldn’t have a problem making the ultimate decision on pretty much everything. I’ve done that for years not only as a single person but as a nurse. What I would never want to do is make a big decision without his input and without considering his feelings. We may have agreed for me to be in control, but he’s not brainless.

My preference is a partnership that feeds off of each of our strengths.

I know my response is not the sort of thing a lot of people fantasize about, but it’s my reality.

Lady Julia

Arafin

Thank You for making my three minute break absolutely worthwhile…! Now, kicking myself back to grounded reality in my office.

Your are spot on. I think in any healthy relationship there is always ebb and flow. I think it would be unhealthy and boring if one person was always in control or always had to be strong. I think it is a wonderful trait of humans to have this ability to go switch back and forth as the need arises.

If you don’t mind, I would like to ask you some questions concerning this post.

Do you feel the need to be in control most of the time (with an occasional break)?
Is it situational?
Are there somethings/areas you are more than happy to let someone else take over?

Mike