In reading the responses to yesterday’s post regarding withholding domination, I realized I did not clearly phrase my question. The writer was not addressing withholding of domination from time to time, but was instead referring to those situations in which a vanilla woman refused to assume a dominant role in her relationship.
My apologies for the confusion.
No related posts.
I think the key world is consensual. I think any relationship will fail if there is no agreement or consent between partners.
You have to respect what people are. If you expect someone to behave dominantly when they are not you will probably be disappointed. Same for any personality trait.
Needs and wants are often confused.
That sounds like the “normal” case. Man wants to spice up marriage through a change that the wife doesn’t understand, thinks is pretty darned weird, is contrary to how she was raised, and just isn’t excited about. Big surprise when she says “Are you kidding?”
My post from yesterday still applies. It’s about expectations. The expectation in a marriage is that there will be sex. Now, the truth is the man is probably expecting a lot more sex than he’s going to get. So he’s already set up for disappointment.
But unless the relationship starts out with some alternate choices, then he has no reasonable expectation of a D/s element. And so Yes, there is a HUGE difference between withholding sex vs. saying “No” to a drastic change in the relationship. Suggesting they’re the same is ludicrous.
And now I understand why one of the other posters said, “I think that blog is written by a man.”
Hello Lovely Lady,
You said:
“A few days ago I read an article in which a dominant woman contended that withholding domination from a man is just as bad as withholding sex. She added that women have an obligation to understand the needs of their men.”
If a man wants his wife or girlfriend to dominate him and she does not feel she is able to do this, why is she the one who is perceived as “bad” or uncaring? Why are her needs less important than his? He is asking her to significantly change who she is, who she was when their relationship began.
I think it is healthy for anyone in a relationship to express their needs and desires. I think it is unreasonable to label someone as bad when they feel they are unable to acquiesce to a request.
Both need to understand their partner’s needs, not just the woman.
David
My Lady and I had a conversation this week about a friend of hers. Let’s call her LF (Lady’s Friend) for convenience. LF’s husband has developed a recent interest in oral sex. They have been married for 7 years and he has never made this request before. He now wants to give and receive.
LF is in shock. She is wondering if her husband has been with another woman. She is confused and hurt by his request. She had a girl friend talk over the phone with my Lady. I walked in on part of the conversation and heard my Lady’s half. After my Lady’s conversation ended with LF, my Lady explained to me the situation to me.
Based on my conversation with my Lady, in a relationship both men and women should seek to understand the needs of the other.
Will