A friend, who shall remain anonymous wrote:
“A 50ish divorced woman online was describing how a new lover (after a long dry spell) had completely changed her opinion about morning sex. I paid attention, because morning sex has never worked for my wife. I actually messaged the woman to ask her about it. The “old” me would have been too embarrassed to ask anyone about sex. *shudder*. She told me that any time her husband kissed her, it was a prelude to making love. (“Guilty as charged,” I thought.) But her new lover would kiss her passionately and then go have a shower. She loved it that he had no expectations. A kiss was just a kiss. I resolved to do the same. I was amazed at how fast my wife responded.”
I sincerely echo her sentiments – I much prefer being inspired to being pressured.
Perhaps this might be helpful for those attempting to persuade their wives to dominate them? I suspect pressure is seldom met with a favorable response.
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I find the above photo very touching. It’s tender and a bit tentative – perhaps like someone who is just beginning to learn the joys of being in control of the man she loves.
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I love the photo.
And I’ve seen the “any intimacy is a prelude for sex” attitude in the past. It’s sad. It creates a fear of instigating intimacy at random moments when sex isn’t what one is after. That’s just sad. Life is so much better when filled with intimacy — some long and intense, some fleeting.
Envision yourselves in any household setting. For me, I think about cooking — I like to cook. Now, envision the man or woman in your life walking up behind you while you’re engaged in this activity. He or she leans against your back, strokes your bottom, kisses your ear, then whispers, “You are so sexy.” Then walks away.
Moments like that make the world a better place.
Any kind of pressure usually makes things feel like you have to do something instead of you wanting to do it, and sex is supposed to be fun! Also myself at least tend to respond badly to pressure and dig my heels in if pressured to do something I don’t want to do at the moment.
It IS a great photo.
I know some folks like pushy/demanding foreplay and sex, but to me this has always seemed such a waste of perfectly good anticipation.
Arafin
I love the photo. The young ladies smile is priceless.
I like that you write what you think about the photos now.
I am not sure why expectations are not ok. If a person needs something from their relationship isn’t it ok to ask for it?
James, it’s perfectly acceptable to share your needs and your wants – it’s not only acceptable, it’s crucial to having a healthy relationship.
That said, I think it can’t always be about one person’s wants and needs and not the other’s.
Sometimes, I like to be kissed or hugged simply because he wants to show me affection. I need not only the sex, but the romance as well. If every intimate touch, look, or action is expected to always lead to sex, then that steals all the intimacy and romance from me. It feels as if the sole reason for every intimate touch, look, or action would be to get sex, not to show love and affection. It also means that I can’t respond to any intimate gesture without feeling pressured.
Don’t get me wrong – sex is great – absolutely positively splendiferously great. It’s just, for me, it’s not the end all be all of relationship activities. There are other things that are important as well.