Dear Lady Julie. How can i make my wife more Domme? She don’t understand she needs to keep me caged up so i will be obedient to her and she don’t see why she has to tell me what to do instead of asking. Pls can u help?
I’m not sure if I should answer your actual question or if I should respond to what I think you are really asking, so I’ll try to do both. My replies may sound a bit harsh, but that isn’t my intention. I’m merely attempting to honestly and clearly answer.
“How can i make my wife more Domme?”
You can’t make someone be more dominant, because by trying to make her do anything you’re taking control. If you quit trying to tell her how to do “it”, then she’ll be doing what she wants in the way she wants. That’s how the Domme thing works.
If you mean how do you create an environment where she feels more comfortable taking control, quit telling her how to dominate. If she’s agreed to take control then do things she asks eagerly and without argument. Don’t pressure her to do more, especially in the beginning. If you want her guidance or decision on something, ask her what she would like to happen. If she decides, do what she says. Don’t argue, don’t manipulate, don’t try to make suggestions once she has told you her decision. If she wants your input, that’s her choice as the Domme. She is using you as one of her resources. If she wants you to decide, then she has abdicated responsibility to you. Do it.
“She don’t understand she needs to keep me caged up so i will be obedient to her.”
I’m assuming you mean some type of chastity device but even if you mean an actual cage – no she doesn’t. She doesn’t need to do anything she doesn’t want to do. You’re a grown man. Be obedient.
If you mean it will help you to be caged, then provide her with that information. It’s up to her to decide, isn’t it? You said you wanted her to be the Domme, right? If she says no, ask her to help you find other ways to be more obedient. I find taking away computer, tv, and videogame access to be a good place to start.
“She don’t see why she has to tell me what to do instead of asking.”
She doesn’t have to order you to do anything. Asking is the same thing as ordering if you have agreed to surrender to her control.
If you mean you like to be ordered instead of asked, then let her know. Remember, however – it’s up to her to decide. Some people don’t enjoy ordering as they feel it is impolite. Some of the most powerful bosses I’ve ever had, the most effective ones, asked instead of ordering. Was a request an order? You bet.
If by all these questions you mean how do you make your wife push all your fantasy buttons by pretending to be in control? I don’t know.
Not everyone views dominance in the same way. You might not agree with my responses and that’s ok. You asked, and I’m simply sharing my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
Sincere best wishes.
~ Lady Julia
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This is one of the most practical responses to impractical questions I have ever seen.
I especially liked the revelation that you take away computer and internet privileges. If more women said, “Right. I am the Domme. Get off the internet and live in reaility.” there would be many more new “Femdom” relationships that were actually Femdom.
The question “How can i make my wife more Domme?” is about as fair as… “How can I make my husband more NORMAL?”
And I am being serious ;)
I love your response as well. You really cut the D/s perspective to the bone, psychologically speaking that is.
– Dan(A.K.A. – “The Amazing Armondo” ;)
Armondo :) I have missed you.
Hi Lady Julia:
Your advice is right on target. The only way to woo a woman into dominance is to reveal your true nature to her, lay the tools of dominance at her feet and let her decide.
Warm Wishes
hmp
Welcome to my blog, HMP and thanks for you thoughtful wishes :)
To broaden the question, you can’t change your husband/wife, though many have tried. What you can do is change yourself in a way that invites the change in the other person. If they respond, H A L L E L U J A H. If they don’t, your choice is to accept or leave.
As you point out, clear communication always helps. They can’t do what you want if they don’t know what you want.
Having said that, how many people suffer in silence? How many people haven’t really put what they truly want in words? My advice to anyone who is attempting to change their spouse is to look inwards very carefully first, perhaps with the aid of a professional counselor. My guess is that 80% of the solution is there.
Lic