Question from a reader:
What clothing signals to you that someone is a dominant woman?
Anything made of red silk, a saucy hat, and/or sexy black opera gloves.
If you blinked and thought, “that’s silly”, those types of clothes do not indicate a woman is dominant, then I am forced to admit you are right.
Wearing sexy boots does not make someone a Domme, nor are latex and leather the Femdom calling card. I believe what makes a woman dominant cannot be seen or touched, it lies within her mind. If my desires and objectives lead me to consensually control someone, then I’m a Domme no matter what I am wearing.
I know many men claim that clothes make the woman, but I think the clothes push the kink buttons :) There is a difference, isn’t there?
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Another reader queried:
What is your opinion about strap-ons? Would using one give you a sense of power?
Strapons are a tool just like a silk scarf or a red ribbon. I would not feel a sense of power from using any toy or tool – I would feel it as I saw, heard, and felt his surrender. In spite of what some profess, I do not think a woman requires a replica of a male penis to be in control. If she chooses to use one *while* controlling him (or her), she remains the source of control.
(Click here if you would like to submit a question for me. Please be respectful :)
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You do realize you are in the minority among Femdom bloggers with these opinions.
Have you ever tried a strap-on or are you being critical without any real knowledge?
You do realize, don’t you Harry, that trying to belittle someone else’s views by invoking the censure of an imaginary majority only makes one look like a small-minded pissant?
Harry,
You should read what the Lady said again. I think what she said was that it is not the tool that makes her feel powerful, it is her personal ability to be able to control that makes her feel powerful. The “tool” is just an implement for enjoying the control. That would be for any tool, strapon or otherwise.
I would say that anyone who has to have a tool to be dominant really isn’t in control. It is the one who can control without the tool or tools who impress me as REAL dominants.
Submission or dominance is in the mind. Why is it that a certain type of woman inspire in me a desire to please, while another type of female inspire me to quickly move on?
In real life, I like pleasing women that I perceive as “nice.” That’s been with me since elementary school. Women that I perceive as “not nice” inspire the “flight or fight” in me. So for me, the woman is more important than the tool.
Of course, the other night my lady used a garter belt as a very effective tool to inspire my pleasing her ;-).
Will
You may resort to name calling RAB but show me one Femdom blogger that shares her opinions on strapons, clothing, or almost anything.
It’s not what you have as a domme, but what you do with it.
A strap-on or a “dominant outfit” are just tools. It is her mind and her attitude that make the difference.
So you’re saying, Harry, that Lady Julia brings a fresh perspective? I’d agree with that sentiment.