She says:

“If a person

- regards being reprimanded as a desirable outcome
- feels encouraged and validated by reprimands
- actively solicits the reprimand by declining to honour his agreements
- continues to break his agreements in the hope of gaining more reprimands

then a reprimand hardly serves the interests of the manager. Only the interests of the misbehaving are served in that circumstance.”

To that, my reply is the sub is topping you from the bottom and as a dominant you are waisting your time on him. After all, you want him to serve you; you are not there to care for his needs to be punished all the time.

Generally speaking, a punishmnent is not something that someone relishes. I remember that when I received a painful spanking, I made sure that not to repeat the offence. If someone likes to be disciplined by way of corporal punishment and he/she strives for this, then you are dealing with a masochist and as a dominant, you may not want that type of submissive being with you.

In terms of praising a submissive, well you have the perfect example in Lady Julia’s June 4th blog, first portion where she praised Richard for cleaning up the kitchen after he cooked the supper. It looks not that significant but it is indeed. He received positive feedback that should encouraged him to continue in the future.

If she has explained what she wants, when she wants it and she has made certain I clearly understand what is expected then I am not sure how my failure to do it could be her fault.

I have read some of the same type of comments. Usually the woman is attempting to give the man what he wants when being dominated but she isn’t giving enough to satisfy him. As you said he blames it on her because she is not spanking him enough, denying him enough, and so on. Assuming he is a reasonably intelligent adult, isn’t that merely an excuse?

If I agree to submit to someone and only submit when she gives me what I want, I do not consider that submitting.

Someone in TCOD mentioned leaders motivating. I follow the point however I ask myself what would happen in a work situation if I were given tasks to complete and did not do them as asked when asked. My boss is not going to pay me more or give me more time off to do what I agreed to do in the first place. The self-satisfaction, my salary, and my self-respect motivate me to do what I agree to do. In a relationship I would add that pleasing my partner is important as well.

TQE

These principles apply in all situations.
 
I disagree that those principles, as you phrase them, apply to  all  situations.   Imagine this:

If a person

– regards being reprimanded as a desirable outcome
– feels encouraged and validated by reprimands
– actively solicits the reprimand by declining to honour his agreements
– continues to break his agreements in the hope of gaining more reprimands

then a reprimand hardly serves the interests of the manager.   Only the interests of the misbehaving are served in that circumstance.

I think in your phrasing, “reprimand” and “praise” might more usefully be termed “sanction” and “reward”.

I know that some individuals regard some responses as rewards which are traditionally considered sanctions.   I think that in those cases, an individual’s response to a consequence  must  determine whether it is ultimately a sanction or a reward.   I think that the submissive in Lady Julia’s example clearly considers the reprimand to be a reward, and is just as clearly actively soliciting the reprimand by misbehaving.

– Why would I want to encourage and reward undesirable behaviour?
– How would that serve my interests?
– Why would any person want to encourage undesirable behaviour?

I think that your model is unproductive in this kind of situation.

If he fails to do what he is responsible for doing then she is placed in a position where she is forced to punish him in whatever means she has deemed necessary. All she is responsible for is punishing him. He is responsible for the failure.

In a D/s relationship, these principles would apply as well. The dominant set some goals to be achieved, in this case task or duties. If the sub fails to accomplish what was asked, then it is the responsibility of the dominant to reprimand and punish the sub for his shortcoming. On the opposite, if the sub achieved the goal, then he should be praised for his action.

These principles apply in all situations. I remember reading an article written by Lady Misato a few years ago on this aspect and it espoused the principles of The One Minute Manager. I am including the link for those of you interested.

http://www.freewebs.com/ladymisato/

A better approach is to do the opposite. If he fails to do the tasks he has agreed to do, the domination stops until they are completed. If he’s into physical control, that could be used as a reward rather than punishment.

If the discipline can be severe enough to correct his behavior, then perhaps trying punishment is a good idea. But I would be concerned that the punishment might reward sloth, rather than correct it.

It is a privilege to serve a Domme, and any submissive male who is fortunate enough to have a caring and controlling Domme should NEVER betray her trust by trying to manipulate her behavior. That smacks of selfishness, not submissiveness.

If I agreed to do something I should either do it or be a man and tell her why I couldn’t. Using this failure to place the blame on her or manipulate her would make me feel childish.

Were I the Domme in these circumstances, I’d be inclined to withhold what the sub wants, not provide more!

My wife and I are definitely NOT in a D/s relationship, but we still joke about it. When there’s a chore that needs doing, sometimes she’ll joke “Don’t forget, or there’ll be NO spankings for you!”

My wife is pretty vanilla, and even SHE gets that! lol

mikecb

Given the range of the situation as you have described it, and barring instances where circumstances beyond one’s control interfere with the completion of the task, I think that the person who takes on the task bears the responsibility. That’s part of what it means to accept the task. It’s not just the completion of a physical chore that is important, but holding true to the mental goal, caring for one’s Dom/me by caring for the undertaking. I see it as parallel to the medieval practice of a woman giving a knight a scarf as a “favor”, something for him to remember her by, to focus on in order to better cherish her. Such a task is a gift from the Dom/me to the sub, and as such should be nourished and respected.

Now, prior to the beginning when the task is given, the Dom/me has the responsibility as soon as the task is imagined with any seriousness. It must be well considered so as not to endanger the sub, crafted with compassion so as to bring out reciprocal feelings in the sub, and guided with wisdom so as to efficiently play the most beautiful tune possible upon the heart and mind of the sub. Up until the point when the task is given, all responsibility lies with the Dom/me. Once the task is given, all responsibility lies with the sub. It’s not exactly “fire and forget”, but it is definitely a lot like turning a bird out of the nest and hoping it will fly. In a Femdom relationship the idea is to teach the bird to fly home again and again, thus exploring more and more of the surrounding territory within the relationship.

Arafin