Earlier I read a remark by a dominant woman who was maintaining a submissive man should be willing to place his photos on a D/s website and identify himself as submissive. If he didn’t, then he was either married, lazy, unwilling to consider a woman’s wants, or unwilling to feel the vulnerability that women feel when putting their photos on display.
I can think of a few other reasons that would give people pause as they considering the wisdom of putting their photo on such a site (or any site for that matter).
- Employer Concerns. Being “outted” at work is no fun at all. I was “outted” as a Domme a few years ago while living in a Bible Belt state and working at a position where I had direct access to children. This could have been disastrous as some people connect kink with perversion and with harming children. My situation was bearable for a couple of reasons: I had already given notice I was leaving and no one who knows me would ever think I would do anything that would harm a child.
- Family Concerns. Many people have not “outted” themselves to their family. While it’s doubtful someone’s vanilla mum would wander such sites, someone who knows her may. People are trouble-makers and sometimes just down-right mean.
- Stalker Concerns. There are some truly crazy people online. Why give them precisely what they need to find you?
- The Superficial Factor Concerns. Some people want to know that those drawn to them are attracted for more than their looks (or money, or fame, or whatever). While some may not agree with that desire, there’s nothing nefarious or wrong about it.
Certainly this lady is entitled to have what she wishes when she considers a man to date. If she does not desire to entertain dating a man who will not post photos openly on a website, that’s all well and good. However, I do think it’s unfair to attach such negative labels to people who choose not to, especially without knowing all the facts.
*Out of respect for this Lady who I do not know, I am not linking to her comment. However, should she wish to do so she is more than welcome to comment here.
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I think D/s is not dissimilar from gay/straight sexual preference. Some people are out, and some people are not. “Coming out” is difficult, and has a lot of social implications that have to we weighed and balanced.
I think those that are “out” in the gay community wish more people would come out, because it makes it easier and easier for others, and also helps increase social acceptance. I agree with that, so by extension, I can imagine that if enough people came out about D/s and Femdom relationships, that eventually they would become more socially acceptable, too.
That said, I still think it’s the person’s own choice. Besides, when “kinky” turns commonplace, what fun would it be?!? ;-p
I agree with you, Lady Julia. I have to wonder how well thought-out the other woman’s comments really were. Unfortunately, once opinions like that are stated, it can be difficult for someone to see the error and retract. Hopefully she won’t do something that causes harm to someone’s livelihood or family relationships.
This is foolish. More and more experts advise guarding against revealing too much information online. Employers check facebook, myspace, etc. to glean information about potential employees.
I would never advise a woman to put her photo on a BDSM site. There are so many kink hungry characters that she could at best be really annoyed by their desperation.
Lady Julia, I also agree your viewpoint…
Another consideration is the community or political aspect of the person involved… what I do within my home with my lovely lady may be completely different than my persona in public.
If she is entitled to out him with a picture on the web then what’s next?
Is his devotion to her incomplete if he doesn’t turn over complete financial control?
Should he be required to dress in panties for the picture?
Should she be allowed a lover? Must he orally arouse her lover to show his devotion?
Sorry, but her requiring the posting of a picture is silly.
If the Domme in question here simply has the goal of either causing her sub a little playful embarrassment or teaching him what it is like to be viewed as a sex object, then there are more responsible ways to do it. The web is a potentially very dangerous place. Just because many women have their pictures displayed online in ways that come back to haunt them does not mean the same should be done to men, … or to more women ……. to anyone. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
I don’t know enough about this situation to comment in more depth, but I will say this, if the Domme is serious about SSC, then she should be applying it to activities which extend beyond the confines of the bedroom.
Arafin
This woman has a right to think or expect anything she wants. A man who wants to become her subject would have to deal with all that.
I would not. I have my reasons to remain private, and being known to be submissive to a woman is not it. I take pride in that aspect, but also know that there are narrow minds that would do me harm because of it.