The problem in all these blogs and comments is that there is no commonly accepted definition of anything more complex than the meaning of “yes”. When we assume that everyone out there understands the words and terms the way we do, we fail in our attempt to communicate.

This thing about men in general losing their veracity upon orgasm is true to some extent sometimes for some men. Did I just make a meaningful statement that can be applied to all men all athe time? I don’t think so.

David, I’ve read conflicting reports about the harm of long term denial. There’s information offered on Wikipedia and AllExperts.com that you might find informative.

Is that small number of times healthy for the prostate?

6 to 10 orgasms per year….well, what should be noticed is that she “plays” with him, daily if I remember correctly. Well, my wife doesn’t. So just waiting till she decides to have some sexual interaction with me could take a long time. And realistically, at least for me, I can’t nor do I want to go a month just serving her non sexually, getting horny with NO sexual play from her. I just feel ignored and get angry. Hey, that’s just me. LIke LJ said, even in wife led marriage the wife has some responsibilities. After all it is a relationship.

I just spent 5 days on a trip and will be cleaning around here today. My kids are off from school so I won’t really have a chance to “wack off.” I figure I’ll wait till to:) (God, what would I do if my right hand got chopped off? LOL

LJ, thanks for a thoughful posting. I guess, in the end, it’s about communication and what both people want.

I’m not sure where the arbitrary 6-10 orgasms/yr came from, but it could never work for me. My boyfriend is 25 and I’m a couple weeks shy of 24. Forget 6 orgasms a year. Guys his age probably whack off 6 times a *day*. If I told him that his releases would be as drastically curtailed as that woman suggested, the poor guy would probably die of a broken heart. :( And that wouldn’t be fun. Why not instead keep him wondering, guessing, and tantalizingly (but not frustratingly) on edge. And then – when he least expects it – blow his mind. Or not. :) Now, *that* is my idea of a good time.

Life in general is not a one-size-fits-all kinda deal. So, why should our relationships be? I applaud you for the depth and authenticity of your writing. In the internet realm of latex, crazy fantasies (and more male body parts on display without warning than I actually care to see, haha) your blog is a wonderful breath of fresh air. And a true class act.

I AGREE that men are not all the same (Also, women are not all the same). What works for one couple may NOT work for another.

Will

P. S. Sorry about the shouting ;-)

Leaving tantric interaction between people out of this conversation, most people in the throws of sexual pleasure are experiencing far more subconscious activity than conscious activity. In other words, most people are in a trance when they are having sex, (including foreplay and after-play). When a man has an orgasm his body produces a very unfair shot of a hormone which causes him to feel overwhelmingly tired. When a woman has an orgasm she gets a shot of a hormone which makes her feel all chatty and cuddly. Most unfair, this design. Most unfair. Enter Femdom, with it’s formulas to prolong male attentiveness by limiting orgasms. This works well for men and women who prefer to have their relationships guided more subconsciously than consciously. The male orgasm control is pre-arranged in order to avoid unwanted behavior, (lack of attentiveness to the female).

Of course, it is always up to the individuals involved just how much of the above is consciously understood, but from what I have seen of Femdom power exchange, a great deal of subconscious manipulation is taking place. Even the woman may be residing in a trance of pleasure for times longer than most vanilla women get to know. Is this wrong? No, of course not. As long as there is informed mutual consent beforehand, it’s all good. Is it ideal? Maybe.

Many submissive men and many dominant women take the concept of the male’s inability to be attentive after orgasm as the foundation upon which all sexual play follows. But, a man can, through conscious willpower, be just as attentive after an orgasm as before. Furthermore, there exist many opportunities for him to develop better post-orgasmic attentiveness habits, the least of which include the employment of hypnosis. If a man can experience multiple orgasms via hypnosis then why not also experience prolonged devotion to his partner, even after ten orgasms? Why not hypnotically enhanced devotion? I am not trying to disparage anyone’s D/s arrangements, but there is always more than one way to deal with a problem.

Arafin