I haven’t always been in Femdom relationships even though I’ve been dominant for as long as I can remember.  I realize that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but the details are too personal for me to share.  Suffice it to say, when I finally became involved in a relationship in which I was the dominant partner, I felt as if I had come home.

Back then I didn’t know what Femdom was;  I only knew that we generally did things my way.  He was quite naturally submissive, preferring that I choose because then he knew I would be happy and my happiness  meant a great deal to him.

We were lucky – we somewhat stumbled into our never-labeled arrangement.  He spent almost six months a year here, six months abroad.  During the time he was in the US, he worked from home.  My career was flourishing and with that came a great deal of responsibility.  I was often gone 10-12 hours a day.  When I came home, I didn’t have to worry about doing anything I hated like cleaning bathrooms or doing the dishes.  He knew what I didn’t like to do and took it upon himself to do those things himself.  He loved seeing a relaxed and smiling me.

I did do things around the apartment.  Sure, I could have persuaded him to do everything, but that wasn’t what I wanted.  He may have even enjoyed that, but there were just some things I wanted to do myself.  Even though he received pleasure from doing things for me, he chose to do what *I* wanted him to do for me – not what *he* wanted to do for me.

Our sex life was great.  Not at first.  It was good at first.  He was loving and passionate, warm and generous.  And… he loved being told what to do and how to do it.  In my previous relationship, that wasn’t at all the case.  This man – he didn’t take it as a criticism of his lovemaking – he viewed it as an opportunity to improve.  We talked about how different women are; that learning a woman’s body and what pleased her took effort on both parts.  We talked about it a lot and he definitely paid attention.  G-spot:  check.  Multiple orgasms:  check.  Romance (definitely a part of sex for me):  check.

Sometimes, he initiated sex.  Oh yes I know that’s not “supposed to be” a male submissive’s role, but sometimes I wanted that.  I wanted to know he wanted me more than anything.  I’d see him watching me as I moved around the apartment and I could tell when his thoughts turned to making love.  He just had this look.  Sometimes I’d do things to arouse him even more, waiting to see if he would hold back for me to make the first move.  Small things, things I knew that pushed his buttons.  Sometimes he’d wait, but at other times he’d slip up behind me and start kissing me on the back of the neck.  He knew that was my “yes of course, what were you waiting for” spot ;)

I was very adventurous during this time.  Actually, that’s probably putting it mildly.  He wasn’t nearly as free-spirited, but he went along with anything i wanted to do.  Often, I could tell he was nervous we would get caught (this was my exhibitionist phase) but he trusted me enough and was turned on enough by my wildness it worked for both of us.

Our lives weren’t perfect.  Sometimes we argued.  Occasionally I said or did something he didn’t understand and he’d get all quiet.  Every once in a while he said or did something I didn’t understand and he’d hurt my feelings.  Since I’m a talker and was the dominant one, eventually we’d talk it out because that’s what I wanted.  He trusted me and I trusted him.  It wasn’t always easy and sometimes it would take us a couple of days to work things out.  Sometimes he’d get a little lazy and put things off.  Sometimes I got too picky and irritable.  We learned to live together.

Like any relationship, there were bumpy moments and great moments.  I have to say, for the most part, it was really good and there were a number of things that I as the dominant received from being in that role.

Never before in a relationship had I felt that what I wanted mattered more to my partner than what he wanted.  With this man, I knew it did.  He had his needs, he had a few kinks (more I suspect than what he ever admitted), but he was never pushy.  He allowed me to grow in confidence and in self-awareness.  I wasn’t initially sure what *I* wanted so it wasn’t always easy letting him know.  Eventually I could and I think it was because I knew he wanted me to experience everything I wanted.  I asked and if it was within his power, it happened.

What he wanted mattered to me.  When I’d discover something he particularly liked, I enjoyed doing it with him, for him, or to him – on my terms.  And.. I’d use it to my advantage ;)  One night when he was in the shower, I was lying in bed thinking about him and masturbating.  Being in the throes of truly enjoying myself, at first I didn’t hear him step into the bedroom.  Eventually I heard a sound and looked up.  The look on his face and the reaction of his body instantly sent me over the edge.  I had no idea until then just how much he liked watching me touch myself.  Once I knew, you bet I frequently had him watch.  That’s also where I learned how good his begging along with my teasing and denying him could be ;)

Since we never put a label to our relationship, there were no expectations.  I didn’t feel pressured to perform a certain way to be his fantasy Domme and he wasn’t disappointed because I didn’t.  If I wanted something, I got it – even if it wasn’t “Femdom”.  Sometimes now I read things online that “Femdoms” do and don’t do and I simply shake my head.  If I want it and it happens, I’m in control;  doesn’t matter what it is.  If he surrenders and follows my lead, it’s the same thing.   Doesn’t matter if it is me controlling him through performing oral sex or him pleasuring me by entering me from behind.  Both of those “female submissive” acts are only female submissive if *we* see them as that way.

Since that relationship ended (due to circumstances beyond our control), I’ve grown even more in confidence and understanding of who I am and what that means.  Things still aren’t perfect and I have enough sense to know they never will be.  It’s just that now it’s a lot easier to ask for what I want and to do what I want to do, especially so because I know my doing so is making my partner happy.  There’s nothing quite like a win/win situation :)

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I’m quite interested in hearing from other ladies in Femdom/Wife Led Relationships to hear about the ways in which they feel they benefit.

No related posts.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 4th, 2008 at 10:20 pm and is filed under Dominance & submission, Female Led Relationships, Femdom, Relationships, male submission. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.