Simple Dominance: Orgasm Control, Tease and Denial

December 10th, 2008

Recently Jake asked,

Do you think you could give more examples of what you do when you dominate? I’m not trying to get personal I only want something that my wife could get ideas from.

I’m always hesitant about responding to things like this because I don’t want to give advice.  What works for me works for me; it won’t necessarily work for someone else.  What I do with one person might not be the same thing I would do with another.  It’s about knowing your audience and yourself, isn’t it? :)

With that caveat, I don’t mind talking about a few things that have been effective for me with the thought that it might stir ideas for someone else.

One of the things that pushes so many submissive men’s buttons is orgasm control.  There are many ways to achieve this.  Some are simple.  Some are very.. shall we say… long term.  Quite often I find that I really enjoy a brief period of tease and denial.  It’s very sexy for him and for me.

Text messaging and email are great tools for teasing and giving instructions.  The messages don’t have to be complex – in fact, they can be quite simple.  Much of it is in the timing.  My friend John is sharing a meal with his friends as I write this.  He knows how playful I like to be in public places and how I enjoy seeing a man squirm a bit from excitement.  I just sent a text message to him saying,

Wouldn’t it be exciting if I were sitting beside you?  The whole time you would be wondering if and when my hand would drop down to my lap and then move to touch you.

I can just imagine how he reacted when he read it.  Miles away, yet controlled.  He won’t be able to get that out of his mind for the rest of the meal.  Simple, yet hot (at least to me – I love teasing.)

Emails offer the opportunity for more detailed teasing and directions.

Subject:  Read This Email When You Are At Home

Dearest pet,

When you receive this email I want you to stop everything, go into the bedroom, and take off all your clothes.  No, don’t do it hurriedly. Slowly, my pet – as if you were stripping for me.

Once you’re naked, kneel beside your bed for me.  You know how much I love it when you are naked and kneeling.  Mmm.

Begin stroking, slowly teasing.  Tease yourself as I would.  As you do as I have requested, think of me.  My hand controlling you, my hand teasing you, my hand bringing you all the way to the edge.  Slowing down again, then bringing yourself to the edge once more.  Three times to the edge.  No more, no less.

Then stop.

You didn’t think I would allow you to release today, did you? :)

I merely wanted a nice little tease session.  Something for me to think about while I’m busy working.  You know how much I will enjoy this, don’t you?  How my body will react..  just as it always does when I think of how much I enjoy controlling you.

You can do this for me, can’t you?   Yes, of course you can.

Soft kisses,
Lady Julia

This one I’ll save for a friend who is ill right now. When he’s feeling a bit better, I’ll send it to him. Of course, he reads my blog and he knows this will be arriving. He’s just not sure when. I’m sure the anticipation will be quite pleasant…

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7 Responses to “Simple Dominance: Orgasm Control, Tease and Denial”

  1. willie owen says:

    Lady Julia,
    In all kinds of powerful ways, you electrify, shock and rock me,
    all the while seducing and affecting me with chills down the spine,
    and up again, and at the same time, you bring out a boyish
    innocence from some deep, deep, dark caverns inside my soul.
    How you do so, I may never discover.
    It’s just damn awesome, you know.
    Thanks there be to the heavens!

  2. jdw says:

    You do make dominance look very simple. I suspect this is only because you are very, very good at it.

    Do you do things like texts and emails often or would that decrease the effectiveness if it were not a novelty?

    Do you do any type of long term orgasm control?

  3. Duncan says:

    You are so imaginative and so sexy!

  4. thomas_the_tame says:

    Orgasm control, tease and denial is not only a very exciting way to dominate us, but it also hits us where we live, so to speak. Since we first discovered our dicks, we’ve had 24/7 access, and used them to exhaustion. Having a dominant woman simply suggest that we should withhold pleasure for her pleasure is far more devastating (in a good way) than I think anyone guesses

    If you ever have a problem with your sub working all his magic, charming you, seducing you, being extra generous and kind to you, then returning to a less attentive demeanor once he’s gotten what he was after, this kind of thing fixes it.

    The technique you’re discussing here keeps us attuned to your needs, attentive to your every movement, the rustle of your clothing, the smell of your perfume, shampoo or natural scent, and can bring us back to a feeling of total submission in seconds with just such simple little suggestions (e.g. text messages, phone conversations, etc.). In short, it makes us good little boys for so long as you desire.

  5. Lady Julia says:

    Willie, you make me smile. I’m really glad you enjoy reading my thoughts.

    Duncan, thank you so much.

    Thomas, had to smile at what you wrote. It reminds of a time when I teased a fella absolutely unmercifully for a week without letting him release or even touch. By the second day I DEFINITELY had his attention. By the fourth day I could have had anything I wanted. By the seventh day… ;)

    JDW asked, “Do you do things like texts and emails often or would that decrease the effectiveness if it were not a novelty? Do you do any type of long term orgasm control?”

    I think when you’re dealing with intelligent, creative people, the key to everything is variety. I get bored easily so I’m assuming he will too. I much prefer to change things up. It’s difficult sometimes when life things get in the way, but it’s much more enjoyable to keep surprising him.

    With regard to long term chastity, how do you define long term? I have one fella on a program where he must meet certain goals before he can release. I think he just went through his longest period and it was 20 days.

    You have to keep in mind too that (as an example) 30 days with no teasing is NOTHING compared to say 10 days with teasing. At least that’s the impression I’ve had from observing ;)

  6. David says:

    You say many interesting and insightful things here and so do many others. I wonder how many people find time to read the comments?

    I am amazed by your creativity and cannot imagine anyone ever boring with the things you do.

  7. Lady Julia says:

    David, I wonder how many people read the comments as well. Still – it makes things feel complete to respond. Unfortunately I’m always behind and sometimes it’s 2-3 days later.

    Thank you for the sweet things you say.